Saturday, July 10, 2004

Who's On First?

I have this tendency to put other people's feelings in front of mine and this happens in many situations--work, friends and family. I care about the harmony and happiness of others more than myself and though I've been so much better about putting myself first, it doesn't always happen. I end up feeling resentful and almost a bit angry. While most people don't take advantage of this, I have been in at least one bad situation in the past that left me nearly devastated but not broken. Of course, I should have listened more closely to this person because they even admitted they tended to manipulate others if they knew they could. Because I believe that most people are inherently good, I thought that person might prove themselves wrong but sadly that didn't happen. Thankfully, I still go through life with the belief that people are inherently good until proven otherwise.

And for the most part, the friends and family I have give just as much as they take from me but I don't accept nearly as much as I should have. I guess I equate this to gifts at Christmas... I enjoy giving them but I feel uneasy accepting them. I know I should accept more and, in doing so, it doesn't mean that I am taking any more than I deserve. So maybe I have a few things to work out with myself but at least I realize what these issues are and I can deal with them.