Sunday, November 28, 2004

Dependence

A rather long time ago I learned a difficult lesson about relationships. I'm not talking necessarily about romantic relationships but personal relationships in general. No matter what kind of relationship you have, being dependent upon someone else is a difficult thing. With that said, for a long time I did not and would not let myself become dependent upon someone else unless they were already related to me (i.e. mom, brother, aunt, uncle, etc.). But at some point if you engage in a relationship with someone, you have to give up a little bit of your independence because that's the nature of the game. The amount you give up is relative to your emotional investment in that person. I think we tend to give up the most to people we love the most. I am no different. I have good friends who I can depend on if and when I need them.

But friends are much more different than someone you are romantically tied to, especially someone who you plan to spend the rest of your life with. I'm not saying that you should give up your independence and depend solely on this person for everything; that is not the point I am trying to make. The point is that on some level you hope that person thinks and cares about you because you depend on them for your emotional and physical well-being. It should be something that is automatic because your life no longer just revolves around you but around someone else as well. But everyone is different and another difficult lesson I learned is that not everyone is like me or operates like how I would. I'm not really sure if that's acceptable.

I was sick all day today and I did not receive even one phone call to find out how I was doing or how I was feeling. Maybe the problem is that I am too dependent on someone else and need to just be dependent upon myself because in the end that's the only person I can depend on. That's quite a sad statement.