Monday, December 20, 2004

Winds of Change

As of late, I've had a lot of things of my mind. None of it has to do with my personal relationship or my impending marriage. Mostly it's about a particular friend who I suspect would rather not be my friend anymore. Our friendship hasn't been the smoothest and, for the most part, we don't really see eye-to-eye. But I noticed things lately that makes me believe that it's better for us not be friends outside of work.

She is the kind of person who can be your most loyal friend if she can get over your faults. She is very critical about the way people live their lives if it isn't by her standard. She tends to pick and choose who her active friendships are. I think what amazes me is that she also will remain "friends" with people she will dislike and talk bad about behind their back.

Our friendship over the years has gone through ups and downs. But lately I feel that she would rather not be my friend. And it's for the best because no matter what choices I make in my life, they will never be good enough for her. If I don't listen to her or follow what she has to say, I am wrong. For example, when I was leaning on her for advice about what to do about the problems I was having with my mom not accepting my relationship and, at the time, possible marriage, this friend would tell me that I needed to tell my mom, include her, discuss this with her, go home to see her, etc. The irony of this whole story is that when she got married, she never even told her mom and they didn't speak for several years. Of course, I can see that she was trying to tell me her experiences but, really, how can you compare the two when I wasn't even thinking about doing what she did? Or when I told her that I would be leaving my present job about a month or so before my wedding to move and all she had to say was that I shouldn't do that or that I should go home and spend that time with my mom. Of course I would love to do that if I was having the wedding where my mom lives, but that is just not possible.

So in the end, everything I do is wrong because it's not by her standards. I know she is upset and mad that I have told everyone at our workplace that I am getting married. I think she liked being one of the few that knew this. Frankly it's really not her business who I tell.

I guess my dilemma is what to do about making it easy for her by telling her it's okay if she doesn't want to be friends. We get along pretty good at work but that we should only have a work friendship and not outside. It's better for both of us because in the end, the friends who matter the most are the ones who won't criticize you and be there for you despite the choices you make in life, good or bad.