Sunday, January 02, 2005

Still Learning

We all want to feel needed. There's been a few times in the last few days that I felt rejected. I'm sure I was feeling overly sensitive as I tend to feel sometimes. I'm not sure if that time of the month was affecting me but I'm sure it had a lot to do with how I was feeling. Seems lately my emotions have been on a rollercoaster for no particular reason. I'm glad whatever was bugging me has passed.

Admittedly I have a very difficult time talking about certain things. I worry that these things may be trivial and really a waste of time. I know I shouldn't feel that way but I've always been the kind of person who will talk about the things that are really worth talking about. Sometimes you can get away with not talking; I know this is not right. None of this has to do with trust but rather a learned response. Whenever my parents were upset about something, namely with each other, they didn't seem to talk about it. There was a uncomfortable silence throughout the house. It was more cultural than anything else not to talk about feelings or to confront the other person. Eventually it would all pass but I hated it.

What I learned in my limited experience with relationships is that I always wanted to be very expressive with my feelings, good or bad. And I've been very good about it. But there are times when I just refuse to talk about how I am feeling and I don't like the uncomfortable feeling that comes with it. At least I know this and I can work on it. The good thing is that I want to work at it and I'm okay with myself. The better thing is that I have an understanding fiance who seems to be okay with it too, at least for now.