Monday, February 28, 2005

It's Life

Why is it that I still worry about what my mom thinks? I don't think it's so much what she thinks but how it upsets her. My relationship has been difficult for my mom because she has to deal with me moving even farther away from her. I did not intend my life to take this turn nor did I force it this way. Things happen. You meet someone. You don't know at the time where it will go. But it goes. Far. There's a proposal. You accept. You make decisions. Life has a funny way of happening. You think at 35 years of age you are no longer a little girl. But to your parents, you are always their little girl. Though my father has passed away, I wonder how he would have reacted. He had very strong opinions about people and about my decisions. I am sad that he cannot share in this time with me as a father should with a daughter. But if this was something that he would not approve of, I am glad I don't have to deal with that. Though I gave up being their little girl a long time ago, I think my mom still sees me as that baby she first saw at the airport when I was three months old coming through the gate with the social worker. I know in her way she is trying hard to accept the next stage in my life.

Monday, February 21, 2005

Catching Up

Dr. Phil's Rules On Hold

I failed miserably writing about Dr. Phil's rules before V-Day. I have a half-finished entry that needs a little more tweaking when I get to it. Instead, I promise to finish it before the big W-Day (Wedding Day!). After all, it is just as appropriate to talk about it then as it is now.

Advice From The Experts

I have husband and wife friends who I am particulary fond of and rather close. They have been married over 25 years and listening to them give me marriage advice can be a hoot. Actually they often tell me stories from their relationship that goes along with some sort of advice and some of that info. borders on being TMI. I am amazed that, on some level, our relationships are parallel. Even the wife thinks so and sometimes when I ask her advice on things happening in my own relationship, she recalls things that happened in her in the past. For example, for some time her and her husband had a long distance relationship before they got married. She recalled how difficult it was it leave each time. The funny part was that at that time there was no such thing as email and if you had a cell phone, you'd have to be rich. Even telephone calls here a luxury for them She said they spent a lot of time writing letters to each other. Even though I have the luxury of email and telephone (and cell) calls, the things I treasure the most are the cute cards I get in the mail. The little notes dashed off in them are the things that I keep in my heart. I'm sure my friends still have those letters after all these years. Now that's romantic.

Short Vacation, Long Weekend

In about 9 days, I'll be off to see the fiance. Our long distance relationship is about to come to an end in another 2 months. The time has gone by so much quicker than I expected and it's amazing to me that we're at this junction of our relationship. I'm sure many of you who live together might not recall those first days, weeks and month you lived together, but I am a bit scared. I've had roommates but I've never lived with a boyfriend and much less a fiance and he hasn't either. I expect there will be an adjustment period for both of us. Just how well we get through that will be the true testament of our relationship; maybe more so than the whole long distance relationship.

That's all for now, folks!

Tuesday, February 15, 2005

Valentine's Day Indulgence

I have to brag about the two lovely surprises I received today from my sweetheart: a dozen red roses and a sterling silver heart locket. The very best Valentine's Day gifts I have ever received! Yes, I know I am spoiled. Every woman needs to feel spoiled once in awhile and I don't feel bad about it one bit!

Thursday, February 10, 2005

T-r-a-s-h-y Wife

Okay, I've been teased by the future hubby that I will be the "t-r-a-s-h-y wife." My trashiness stems from my occasional viewing of television which can be construed as not appropriate for the educated mind. Hmmmmm... yeah, right. So my latest find as I surfed the channels last night was this show called "Project Runway." As you can guess by the title, the show has something to do with fashion, namely bringing together "would-be" fashion designers to compete against each other. My viewing of last night's episode fortunately meant that I had discovered the show toward the end of its run. Thank goodness for the future hubby who will get to hear the synopsis and who listens quite politely. I'm not sure what's more disconcerting than a male designer who looks similar to Carson Kressley (of Queer Eye for the Straight Guy) but wears lip gloss. Uh, yeah.

The show held my interest for a bit because of the last four contestants left, three ("the artist," "the professional," and "the wild card") of them despised the fourth one ("the longshot"). The "long shot" won last night's competition which was to design an outfit for Nancy Odell to wear during the Grammy's; the "artist" got eliminated. Ms. Longshot delighted in the fact that she knew both Ms. Professional and the Mr. Wild Card were upset that she had made it as one of the final three. Seems almost a bit high schoolish if you ask me considering this woman is 40 years old.

Just another entry to add to my resume of being a future t-r-a-s-h-y wife.

Sunday, February 06, 2005

A Difficult Time Ahead

I feel as though being happy means that I'm being selfish. A few days ago I had a heated discussion with my mom about my impending marriage. Again. The conversation was sparked because she was thinking about taking a trip here at the end of April and I reminded her that I planned on moving at the end of April. It was at that point everything went wrong. She asked me where I was going. I reminded her again that I was moving to be with my fiance, her future son-in-law, because it would be impossible to coordinate a move and a wedding at the same time in June.

That began the "talk" about how we met and that meeting people on the Internet is dangerous... blah, blah, blah. Okay, I've heard it all, read it all and realized that it's not all true. But she didn't stop there. She expressed that she wishes we would wait to get married and get to know each other better. Uh... it's a little too late for that in that we've already reserved a venue and announced to the world our wedding date. I could go on but the only thing I can say is that it went from bad to worse. I tried to empathize with her but she would not listen to me. I'm not sure where all this came from except that she is forcing me to pick and choose when there should be no picking and choosing at this point in my life.

I know it's difficult for my mom to understand our relationship. I wish she would at least try and think about what she says before it comes out of her mouth. In some ways I feel a bit disappointed about her behaviour, and very surprised that she says the things she says. I know she is scared to lose me and is scared about being alone. It's just a very difficult situation and one that I don't know how to fix. I know things will only get harder before they become easier.

Friday, February 04, 2005

Collide

Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the wrong words seem to rhyme
Out of the doubt that fills my mind
I somehow find
You and I collide


I have no doubts about my love for you.

Thursday, February 03, 2005

The Ground Rules (part ii)

3) Ask For What You Want: The bottomline is that the other person is not a mindreader. I've realized this over and over again. Though I'm always hesitant to "ask" for anything, I know that I need to. The good Doc says that in order to make you happy your partner needs to "understand what makes you tick." If you don't ask, you don't get. I've realized that asking doesn't equal to being selfish but rather asking the other person to help you fulfill the parts of your life missing. So ask away...

4) Learn Your Partner's Needs, and Strive to Fulfill Them: We all have needs and when our needs are not met, then we become dissatisfied. Speaking from a man's perspective, Dr. Phil says that men are especially afraid to rely on other people because it makes them emotionally tied and anytime something has to do with emotions, they (men) take it as a sign of weakness. Men, your women love you and would never take your emotional side as a sign of weakness. Let us in!

5) Invest in the Friendship: This is the absolute truth! When I first met my fiance, I wanted us to be friends and he obliged. That friendship turned to a deep caring love and the foundation for our relationship. We are best friends and we always remember this no matter what. Sometimes I see couples treating each other badly and I wonder if they treat their friends the same way. They take it for granted that the other person will understand. We all have to take a step back and remember that we should treat our partner the same way we treat other people. Friendship rocks!