Sunday, February 06, 2005

A Difficult Time Ahead

I feel as though being happy means that I'm being selfish. A few days ago I had a heated discussion with my mom about my impending marriage. Again. The conversation was sparked because she was thinking about taking a trip here at the end of April and I reminded her that I planned on moving at the end of April. It was at that point everything went wrong. She asked me where I was going. I reminded her again that I was moving to be with my fiance, her future son-in-law, because it would be impossible to coordinate a move and a wedding at the same time in June.

That began the "talk" about how we met and that meeting people on the Internet is dangerous... blah, blah, blah. Okay, I've heard it all, read it all and realized that it's not all true. But she didn't stop there. She expressed that she wishes we would wait to get married and get to know each other better. Uh... it's a little too late for that in that we've already reserved a venue and announced to the world our wedding date. I could go on but the only thing I can say is that it went from bad to worse. I tried to empathize with her but she would not listen to me. I'm not sure where all this came from except that she is forcing me to pick and choose when there should be no picking and choosing at this point in my life.

I know it's difficult for my mom to understand our relationship. I wish she would at least try and think about what she says before it comes out of her mouth. In some ways I feel a bit disappointed about her behaviour, and very surprised that she says the things she says. I know she is scared to lose me and is scared about being alone. It's just a very difficult situation and one that I don't know how to fix. I know things will only get harder before they become easier.