Tuesday, May 31, 2005

Weekend in ATL

The fiance and I spent the Memorial Day weekend in ATL for a couple of reasons: 1) his bachelor party and 2) the Braves game. Actually plans for the weekend was prompted more with his buddies wanting to take him out for his bachelor party. I am happy to report the fiance behaved himself, a little too much, I might add. It was what he wanted and it made him extremely happy. I suspect if the fiance was 15 years younger, the bachelor party might resemble one that might make me think twice about marrying the fellow. Truthfully, that really isn't in his nature at all. I'm very lucky.

As mentioned, we "braved" the rain to see the Braves kick the Phillies buns. I really enjoyed the second ever major league baseball game I've been to in my life; the first being the LA Dodgers eons ago. I hope to see more in the future. It's too bad we don't live in the immediate vincinity because I would have suggested to the fiance we buy season tickets. Yes, I love baseball that much and I wouldn't mind doing that.

That was about it for the weekend. Only two more weeks before we leave for our wedding. We get there a week ahead to do things such as get our marriage license and finish up last minute details. I'm glad it's almost here; time for our lives to get on.

Friday, May 27, 2005

Space And The State of Being Married

The fiance and I have been enjoying our cohabitation state of life. Sometimes I think we get on each other's nerves but that's just part of sharing your space. I've had more than my share of alone time here while he hasn't really. I'm not sure if that bothers him. I do try to give him his space but he seems more than happy to have me pester him. And when I says pester, I mean pester. I think we've been good about giving the other space when needed. And it's not like either one of us can't jump into a car and make that space.

We both commented this morning that we feel married already. I'm not sure how a cermony, the addition of rings and a piece of paper will make either one of us feel differently. I think we will feel different. It's not just a state of mind but a state of being, I think. I know I will have to make some major changes such as going from Ms. N----- to Mrs. H-----. I've already practiced the new signature which is more disconcerting to me than just telling people my new last name mostly because I will have to change the way my signature flows. The other difference will be saying to people, "My husband...." or "My wife..." Apparently the fiance has, on occasion, used the phrase, "My wife..." It's rather cute. I can say one thing that makes me feel so much more differently is when I try on my wedding band. Yes, I know it's just a simple ring with no stones but I love how it makes me feel. I can't explain it but it just does. Looking at it together with my engagement ring is such an amazing feeling. I know the fiance feels the same way with his wedding band. You gotta love a man who can't wait to wear his ring and will wear it! Onward to the wedding in another 21 days!

Monday, May 23, 2005

Many Thanks and The Weekend

According to Ms. Manners, I probably shouldn't have left the "thank you" cards I needed to write until now. But at least I am getting them done, right? I didn't realize how many I had to write but more importantly, I didn't realize how many people actually liked me. I know that sounds kind of conceited but it's not. I guess I really made an impression with the people I worked with both in my immediate area and the department as a whole. That is bound to make anyone feel good!

There wasn't much of a weekend for us since the fiance had to work one day. But we took full advantage of Sunday by going out early and getting a lot of stuff done. We came home by early afternoon and settled down. He's making something for our wedding that he needed to work on and I continue to sort though the mess. It was nice and calm, and not like previous weekends when we were traveling. We both feel settled.

Wedding madness is starting to crank up as I have not even finished the programs nor have I finished the favors or the table decor. But at least most of the "thank you" card have been sent out and that's a relief.

Friday, May 20, 2005

Just The Two of Us

Some of the irritation I've been feeling has passed. While it may sound like I was talking about money, I really wasn't. In truth, I am more than happy to share whatever I have. In my opinion, it's about the two of us together now. I guess that's really the issue. I've mentioned this in some post previously (can't remember when exactly) but I feel like I'm thinking about us rather than just me. But I can't be the only one thinking about us. I have to feel that he is thinking about us too. Some of that comes from actions. For example, when it comes to paying for meals, I'd like it if he just didn't let me pay all the time. Okay, he just doesn't do that but it seems that way sometimes. We have to take care of each other now. I am not asking him to give up the things he loves such as buying the books he likes or the stuff he likes for his car. I would never ask that. But we are a we and it's not me anymore.

I can definitely attest that life is much better now that we are together. I never thought I would find that other half of me; the person that makes me feel complete. Yes, I know it sounds suspiciously similar to a certain Tom Cruise/Renee Zellweger movie but it's true. He does make me feel complete. He is my rock and he loves me completely, flaws and all. When you find someone you love who can love you for who you are, you have hit the jackpot. Life is good... even with its bumps because that's what makes it interesting.

Thursday, May 19, 2005

Roommates vs. Coupledom

Being roommates is a whole lot easier than being a couple. Why? Well it's understood that if you are roommates you share everything equally. There shouldn't be a discussion about who should pay for what or how things are going to be paid for: you pay your half and I pay my half. I've had a lot of roommates and for that very reason, I wanted to live by myself and I had for the last 9 years of so. Some of my experiences living with roommates have been great and some have been terrible. I found out what worked best for me was that everyone bought their own food. I was once in a situation where everyone shared in the expense of groceries but that would mean if you cooked something, you'd have to cook for everyone. After a while, people would get upset because when they wanted to eat something, it would be gone before they had any of it. There was no equally eating of the groceries and there usually never is. The other expenses, well, that would entail taking turns to buy stuff like toilet paper, etc. But the basic premise of being roommates was that everything was divided equally.

In the world of coupledom, it's a little different as it should be. My own experiences being in coupledom were nil until now. So the closest example I know is my parents and they were already married. Since my mom did not work at all, my dad was the one that brought home the "bacon" and essentially handed it over to my mom who paid all the bills and bought all the necessities for the home. I understand things are different now (as in this day and age) and I am completely fine with it. But as of late, I feel that I am supporting this home of ours. I pay my due when I need to (e.g. rent) and have tried to contribute more both in chores and in finances as I am not technically working but still getting "paid" from my previous job. And I know our lifestyles were different before we became one household: I enjoyed going out to eat with friends while he enjoys staying home. Somehow we haven't quite made it to the happy medium in my opinion. Many times I try to even things out by paying for half but somehow I feel my half becomes more like 2/3's. And when it comes to reaching for who pays for the restaurant check, I've paid for a lot of it because as soon as I pay for it, there is no trying to get it back. What I mean is that I grew up with the notion that I do my part as much as possible. When I go out with friends, if they pay one time, I try to pay the next time. We try to be as fair as possible. This is probably more in the realm of roommies rather than coupledom. But everything works out in the end.

I guess I am a little frustrated right now and it was bound to happen. Much of this is brought on by that notorious time of the month I think. I also hate to dwell on things but I thought one of the seemingly interesting things that happened was Mother's Day. I got my mom her gifts and he got his mom her gifts and I also got her something on the side as well. We also took his mom out to brunch which was shared among the kids (he, his brother, me and his sis-in-law). Since we all paid in cash for the brunch and I had cash and he didn't, I put it in. Later on the drive home, he figured out how much we spent between our moms and what would equate to half. Normally I wouldn't really care but in making that calculation, he figured he owed me money. Frankly I would have rather just leave what we paid for our gifts alone and just split the cost of the meal.

None of this means the end of the world. I know I will get over it and I just have to learn to be better at this couple thing. I know from watching my parents that it doesn't magically get easier one day. We come from two different ways of doing things and I haven't exactly stuck with the way my parents do things but find a way that suits me. The fiance, I feel, envisions our way of doing things his parents way. I'm not so sure about that way but I'm willing to try it. Truthfully, I'd rather we find our own way.

Tuesday, May 17, 2005

The Weekend and Observations

The fiance and I have been pretty busy these first few weekends together. We managed to take a short trip to Columbia, SC the first weekend home and then down to GA these last two weekends: one for Mother's Day and one to attend the art opening of a friend. Though we've never spent this amount of time together in any one visit, it doesn't feel unnatural at all. In fact, it's as though we've been together for a long time.

The whole situation with our living together has been rather amusing. The fiance goes to work every day (albeit weekends of course) and I stay home to tend to our home. Most of this is dictated by my work situation (I am unemployed by choice) and our impending wedding in a month. I have easily fallen into the role of taking care of our home. I wonder if this is part of the natural biology of a female? Maybe it's not attributed to "biology" but rather to my upbringing. My own mom didn't really work when my brother and I were growing up. My dad was the breadwinner and went off to work every day. When he came home, my mom would make sure dinner was on the table. I think I have become my mom except we have no children yet. And I will get a job (after the wedding).

On the other side of not working right now, I see who spends their time out during the weekdays. I noted this to the fiance one day when I came back from Tar-jay or however you folks call the big red bulls-eye store. The only people that shop at this establishment during the week days while the rest of us are at work are moms (present and expecting) and retired folks. And, of course, people like me: the unemployed. I never knew what went on during the hours I was at work until now. More observations to come.

Friday, May 13, 2005

Five, Four, Three, Two...

I guess you can say we're in the final stretch to the wedding. Just about five weeks until the big day though we are traveling there the week before. So, really, I only have four weeks left to do stuff. Yikes! I can't believe how quickly the day is creeping up on us. We are so ready to be married and we might as well be. I think we both feel we are married already. It will be nice to officially sign my name as the "Mrs." instead of just talking about it. I'm already getting in the habit of giving his last name since mine seems hard to take for those unfamiliar with its origins. But you can't do it all the time unless it's official.

I don't really have much to say about our cohabitation lives yet. I try to do my part since I am the one at home all day while he's at work. It's not as though he is supporting me since I am technically being paid out for my vacation which probably covers a majority of this month. But staying home all day is not something I am used to. I try to occupy my time by going out to do errands. What's strange is that if I have the time off, my choice would not be to do errands but rather spend time on me. For example, spend time at a bookstore and having some coffee. But I feel a bit guilty since I have things to do like unpack and write an ungodly number of thank you notes. I have to get those done. But I'm in a new town and new surroundings. I'm distracted by it. Once the "newness" wears off and I think it will soon, I will be back on track.

Monday, May 09, 2005

Celebrating Our Mothers

Over the weekend, the fiance and I went to visit his parents (they are driving distance unlike my mom) for Mother's Day. We got there on Saturday around lunch and after visiting for a bit, headed off to the mall. He got his hair cut and we did a little shopping (or nesting as I like to call it). We returned a wedding gift and got something for the house. Then we went to visit his friend who manages a jewelry store and within the span of a half an hour, I had bought his wedding ring. The rest of the day was spent walking around downtown near the university and seeing all these neat stores.

Sunday was entirely about mom. The fiance's brother and sister-in-law drove over so that we could all go out to lunch. As predicted by sis-in-law, there were a lot of people out for Mother's Day. The wait wasn't entirely too bad. The food and company made up for it. After spending some time hanging around the house, we all left to go home. On the drive home, I called my mom and she sounded very happy with the gifts she had received. Yes, it was all about the moms.

I must admit that I worry about my mom's feelings when it comes to these matters. I don't want her to feel left out or feel that I am choosing my future MIL (mother-in-law) over her. There is no choosing to do; we are all family now.

So begins my second full week here. I feel like I am getting my bearings down and feeling a little more comfortable making my way around here. It'll be an adventure for awhile.

Wednesday, May 04, 2005

Unpacking and Being Domestic

I am in upacking hell mostly because I don't know where to put everything. I think the problem is that there are things here already and I am adding in my stuff. So far there have been no arguments about what can be put where. But I feel as though I am a visitor rather than someone that lives here. Things are where the fiance likes them but not necessarily where I like them. I'm sure some discussions will ensue as we blend the two households together. I can only be thankful that I did not bring any furniture with me. Who knows where I would have put any of it?

Today I had lunch with the fiance. I drove over to his workplace and met him. It was nice to see him at work and to figure out how to get there. I am slowly figuring out my way around town. It is not difficult to get around here though one wrong turn could lead me into South Carolina. Not a big deal because I can just turn around and go the way I came.

Domestically speaking... on the homefront, I have managed to prepare real dinners the last few days. I was a bit worried that it would be too much for the fiance since he is used to eating simple and basic and easy meals. But after questioning him today, he seemed to be pleased at what I've done so far. Thank goodness. I am so used to just being one that it's hard to plan for two. To make things easier, I thought having a night of "you figure out what you want to eat" would do us good. That way if he wants to eat something he was used to eating, he can do it. It's hard getting used to all this. I realize now how independent I've been and how hard it will be to change. It'll take time but it will happen.

Tuesday, May 03, 2005

Home At Last!

I haven't had much energy to write after spending an exhausting weekend filled with a friend in town, my wedding shower and furiously packing up the rest of my apartment in Sin City followed by a four-day trip across most of the country. After driving through the bottom of Nevada, through Arizona, Texas, Oklahoma, Arkansas and Tennessee to finally reach our destination here in North Carolina, we were thoroughly traveled and needed some rest. I think the fiance more than me since he did most of the driving while I tended to a rather irritated cat. Thankfully we all made it here safe and sound even through some torrential rainstorms.

It's rather strange being here for several reasons. The fiance and I no longer have to spend a week together followed by several weeks apart. He is back at work already and I am, well I am playing homemaker at least until after the wedding. I hope (fingers crossed) I will be able to find a suitable job when we get back. I suppose taking some time off isn't a bad thing but it's disconcerting since I've worked since I went to college. Another reason it's strange being here is that we don't have to call each other on the phone... a hip, hip, woo hoo for us and a boo hoo for the phone company. There are other reasons that I feel strange but I won't go into those right now.

For now, we are home. This is our home; my new home. There are so many things to do, most of all, finishing planning this wedding of ours. I hope I can get everything don that I need to do.