Wednesday, July 13, 2005

The First Month (Almost)

I can hardly believe we are about the approach our one month mark. Truthfully, I think this time in our relationship is the most normal it's ever been. When I moved in at the end of April, there were so many things going on such as finishing the wedding plans. Then just like that, we were flying out to LA and after a whirlwind week, we were married. We came home for a week and then we were off again for another week. It's been little over a week we've been home. I am still trying to clean up after the wedding and still (yes, folks, still) trying to figure out where everything goes.

I know I should be actively looking for a job and I think I am approaching the point where I need a distraction. In truth, it's nice to stay home and do all the things I never did the last 17 years of my life while I was at work. But I need to get my brain working again and engaged in my life. But I also want to do it on my terms. I think the most difficult thing to learn about being married is that I am part of a couple but I'm also an individual, and I need to figure out where the line is between the two. When you are by yourself, it is easy to keep things private. I tend to be a very private person, I think. I don't like people being in my affairs and I don't like people asking about them. It makes me really uncomfortable. But when you're married, you can't be like that totally. There's not only one person anymore, but two. I need to learn how to deal with that.

I know I will find a job that will suit me. I'm not quite sure what that job will be but I will find it. It's rather disconcerting to be looking at jobs with salaries that I was making years ago. It really isn't about the salary too much but rather that I worked hard to be where I was before I left my last job. I don't regret it and I don't wish I was still at that job but I also don't want to be pushed into something I don't want to do. I know I will find the job that is right for me.