Musings of an Island Girl

Icy Stairwell

2005-12-15T10:53:00.000-05:00

The first true signs of winter here as temperatures dipped below freezing but not enough for it to snow. This morning the world was a wonderful icicle.

I Passed!

2005-10-28T14:56:00.000-05:00

I guess I'm not such a bonehead after all... wish they would tell me which one I missed!

You Passed 8th Grade Math

Congratulations, you got 9/10 correct!

Could You Pass 8th Grade Math?

No Comments

2005-10-23T20:03:00.000-05:00

After the amount of S-P-A-M left for comments on this blog, I have decided to disable comments for awhile. Can you tell I am irritated? Even when I change the settings to "only registered users," I still get a lot of junk. So for now, there will be no comments on both past and future entries. If you want to leave a comment or have a comment, you can email it to me directly at islandgirl33@gmail.com. I do love comments and would love to hear from anyone.

Meme

2005-10-14T12:10:00.000-05:00

Gia-Gina In Italy tagged me to do the following Meme:

1. Dig into your blog archive.
2. Find your 23rd post (or closest to).
3. Find the 5th sentence (or closest to).
4. Post the entire text of the sentence along with these instructions. Ponder it for meaning, subtext or hidden agendas...
5. Tag five people to do the same.

Here it goes...

It is really those particular times that may have no meaning to anyone else except us... your lunch and my afternoons.

This quote was taken from my June 17, 2004 entry around the time I first started this blog. Actually that entry was exactly one year before the hubby and I got married. We or rather I was overwhelmed with all these feelings I was having and equally frustrated. Yes, we hadn't met in person yet and that would come about two months later. But I knew that I loved the hubby. For whatever reason, he found that niche in my heart that had been empty so long. That niche that I kept hidden from everyone else except him. There is so much in our relationship which may seem so insignificant to others like talking on IM during his lunch while I was still starting my day in a timezone three hours earlier. Sometimes it doesn't seem much to others who have the luxury of spending all their free time with their significant other but when you can't, you treasure these times. That's what I was writing about. What makes that entry even more special is the fact it was that night I told the hubby I loved him. Yes, I know I hadn't met him, but I just knew. He had made his way into that space in my heart. One year later on that exact same day, we pledged to spend our lives together.

I know I should tag a few people to do this but since I don't know too many readers to tag personally... I will leave it up to you, the visitor, to do this Meme if you choose to. It's been an interesting exploration and I thank Gia for sending it my way!

Carolina Raptor Center

2005-10-06T13:37:00.000-05:00

Last weekend while a friend was visiting, we decided to go to the Carolina Raptor Center. This wasn't a typical zoo or bird sancturary but rather a place dedicated to the environmental education and the conservation of birds of prey through public education, the rehabilitation of injured, and orphaned raptors and research. Let me clarify that all the birds housed there are birds of prey that no longer can survive on their own in the wild. For example, there are birds that were found shot through the wing, hit by cars, or injured by other means. These birds are rehabilitated and are fine except they no longer can fend for themselves. And if these birds do have young, their young are taught to be in the wild and released when they are old enough. We were lucky enough to catch a presentation of some of these birds when we arrived there. Below are some pictures from the presentation.

Our favorite by far is probably the litte screech owl (second to the last picture above). He's a cute fellow that apparently likes to pretend he's dead when he gets scared. The volunteer giving the presentation said that he will just fall over and it will appear he is not alive. She said many new volunteers are shocked and scared the first time they take care of him because they think they have killed him.

NL East Champs!

2005-09-28T11:32:00.000-05:00

So the Braves made it 14 in a row by becoming the National League East champs with last night's loss by the Phillies. In any case, they won 12-3 over the Rockies sealing the deal so even though the Phillies lost earlier in the evening, the Braves won their game. There was a lot of whooping and spraying of the bubbly in the locker room; just a bunch of kids enjoying their win. It's great to see Bobby Cox, their coach, act like a patriarchal figure to the guys especially the "baby Braves." They have an excellent bunch of rookies playing and I hope they go far in the playoffs all the way to the World Series!

The Braves Drive My Car

2005-09-26T07:42:00.000-05:00

So I've become a bonafide Atlanta Braves fan by putting on a front vanity plate as I like to call them on my car. After going back and forth as to what I would put on the front of my car since N.C. only requires back license plates, I chose a simple Atlanta Braves plastic sign. It's weird seeing it on my car but I hope it gives the guys good mojo because we are coming to the end of the season and they are only 2 games away from clinching the NL east title. But if the Phillies happen to lose today and the Braves win, they will have the title automatically. Go Braves!

Dawg Madness

2005-09-20T13:43:00.000-05:00

There is nothing like game day when the home team plays at home. Over the weekend while we were visiting the hub's parents, they took me through the UGA campus while the team played Louisiana-Monroe at the home stadium. While the game itself wasn't one of the more anticipated ones of the season, I could still see the madness of game day. We drove up and down the streets nearby the campus including downtown Athens where we could see what was leftover from the tailgaters. In front of homes, Greek houses, businesses and even on the lawn of the campus buildings were tents and chairs set up. Most had been abandoned by the folks who were in the stadium watching the game but there were a few groups huddled around televisions or radios cheering on the Dawgs. There were also street vendors selling every conceivable kind of college wear and item. And let's not forget the people who come in their RVs and park for the weekend. That is some Dawg pride for sure.

I am fascinated by such school spirit mainly because I have never attended a college or university that was in a college-town type of atmosphere. If you ask anyone, Athens, GA is UGA and UGA is Athens, GA. The folks there are proud of their University and rightly so. I can see why the hubs loves UGA football so much and has so much pride in his University. On the drive home, I asked him if he wanted our children to attend UGA because he went there. He said it would be really up to them but that it would make him much more happier and prouder if they did. Well one thing's for sure, they will have to think twice before going to Florida and becoming a Gator.

Postal Rant

2005-09-12T15:37:00.000-05:00

I used to have more faith in the postal service but lately I've experienced some disappointments. A few weeks ago I sent off a birthday present to a friend in Las Vegas. I usually send gifts priority (2-day) and pay the additional tracking fee to make sure it gets there. Of course, a few days later it shows as being delivered but after several conversations with my friend, she doesn't mention it at all. I figure that she keeps forgetting or something like that and I usually forget to ask until we're off the phone. Finally one evening I asked her if she received the box I sent and she replies, "No." She said she was wondering as well since I had mentioned to her to expect a package in the mail. In Las Vegas, many of the cul-de-sacs have common postal box areas where the carrier will put the mail into instead of delivering house-to-house. Most of these postal boxes have a couple of extra large boxes with keys attached so that the postal carrier can leave larger packages without bringing them back to the post office. As far as we can tell, the carrier decided that he or she would leave the box at my friend's door. In a nutshell, we think someone took it. The word from the supervisor at her area post office is that if the carrier can determine a "safe" place to leave a package at a house, they will. Okay, correct me if I'm wrong but if you don't deliver mail to a house, why should you leave any there? Because I felt bad that she did not receive a gift from me, I went out and got her another gift and this time had it sent with a signature confirmation. She did get her package this time since she had to go down to the post office to sign for it. The irony of this all is that the postal service's website doesn't say she received the package yet. Since I know she got it, it's not a big deal but so much for following instructions, right?

My second complaint was going to be about a package I received from my mom this morning. She had sent me some food items including two bottles with dressings in them. Unfortunately one of the bottles broke sometime during the transit. But as far as the hubs and I can tell, it probably had more to do with being transported in an unpressurized container than anything else since only the bottom of the bottle broke and it wasn't shattered. In all, everything else was okay in the box.

The postal service isn't all that bad because, after all, they do have reasonable prices when it comes to sending packages. I just wish that they took a little more care in delivering mail, whether it be packages or letters that someone took the time to write.

Labor Day Weekend

2005-09-06T16:58:00.000-05:00

The panic caused by the recent hurricane in regard to gas seems to be no more. Yes, there are a few gas stations that still have plastic covers over some of their pumps but it's not nearly the degree to which what was originally thought. The price seems to be holding steady at $3.29 at the local stations. Even with the gas prices and possible shortages, the newspaper reported that people still traveled over the holiday weekend. Yes there were some cancellations but those places quickly found others willing to take those spots. So some of the places that depended on this holiday weekend didn't seem to suffer too much.

The hubby and I didn't make any holiday plans mostly because we are all traveled out for now and he had to leave for some out-of-town work on Sunday. So instead we spent Saturday exploring our own city which we are getting to know better. We visited an up and coming district called NoDa, named for the street is primarily lies on, North Davidson. Many art galleries line the street though during the day there was hardly any one around. We didn't visit any of the galleries but did stop to have lunch at the Mellow Mushroom, a pizza joint. According the hubby, it's the kind of place that is usually filled with college kids in the evening for its bar. The food was delicious and filling, and the atmosphere a bit quirky. Here are some pictures from our adventures.

The first two pictures are from the Mellow Mushroom. Like I said, the place is a bit quirky but the food is good. The third picture is a sculpture in front of the fire station and the last picture is of a tiled bench on the street. In fact, there were several tiled benches which added to the charm of the NoDa.

Welcome to Game Day!

2005-09-03T14:56:00.000-05:00

For the folks who don't live in this part of the country, let me announce that college football begins/began today. I didn't realize what a large part of the culture college football was here until I met the hubby. He hails from Georgia and went to Georgia (as in UGA). On top of that, he is a big and I mean BIG college football fan when it comes to his alma mater. I wouldn't venture into Athens, GA when the team is at home because you'll be caught in a sea of UGA fans. I am not a football fan at all. Yes, I can probably stomach parts of the game and understand it enough to get by but football has never been a sport I liked. I'd take any other sport over football: baseball, tennis, basketball, golf, etc. When we got married, I insisted that we had to get a second television because I wasn't going to suffer through football coma every fall. I don't mind that the hubby wants to spend all day watching the games just as long as he remembers that I'm here too. I'm sure I can distract him a little bit ;-) every now and then.

Gas

2005-09-01T22:59:00.000-05:00

People are in a panic around these parts for gas. Never thought I'd be writing those words but it's true. The stuff that makes your car go zoom-zoom is becoming scarce because people think there will be a gas shortage. Yes folks there will be if you keep acting like idiots and fill up every darn car and canister you have. Even when I was in a hurricane and lived on an island, there wasn't the level of panic that is going on today. The smart thing to do is to do the least amount of driving if possible. Frankly we don't need all these cars on the road anyways and if people just worked smarter and not harder, things will certainly be okay.

I guess my biggest shock by far is seeing the price of gas continue to rise at a ridiculous rate and then seeing gas stations empty because they ran out of gas. The hubby says that there was a line at our local Sam's Club for gas. We got memberships a couple of months ago because the gas prices always seemed to be about five cents cheaper. I'm not sure what the price of gas is today but a couple of days ago I paid about $2.59 a gallon. I'm sure the price has risen since then. At nearby gas stations the prices have been about $3.29 to $3.49 and no gas available. I'm not too concerned because in reading the news, they expect to have gas production back up to 60 percent capacity over the weekend. Though not at a hundred percent, at least enough to keep the cars running and people on the move.

Katrina

2005-08-30T19:05:00.000-05:00

Watching the devastation left behind by Hurricane Katrina just broke my heart. Having weathered a category five hurricane myself over 10 years ago in Hawaii, I know that this will be a long road for the folks in New Orleans as well as along coast of Louisiana itself, Alabama and Mississippi. The human spirit is unbreakable and no matter what happens to the folks in this country, so many people are quick to step up to help. I saw how wonderful the world was to us on Kauai after Iniki in 1992. Now people have already banded together here to help out our neighbors to the far south. It will be a long road to recovery but they will recover and thrive again.

More Reasons Why I Love NC

2005-08-24T08:09:00.000-05:00

A couple of nights ago the hubby and I took a little drive in a community close to where we live. We found a rather nice lake (or pond, not sure what to call it) in this park adjacent to their community center. I didn't have my camera with me so I couldn't take any pictures but I will the next time we go. This park had a nice walking path all the way around this lake with people either jogging or walking around it. There were ducks and ducklings in the lake minding their own business. Also in lieu of some of the more traditional benches were the swinging benches placed strategically around it. The hubby and I stopped to swing for a bit and just enjoyed the evening. There was a slight breeze going over the lake and so the evening wasn't as hot and humid as it could have been. The trees lining one end of the lake framed it quite nicely. I told the hubby that this is one of the reasons I love being married and why moving here was worth it.

I think I am more a small town kind of gal who likes living close to the city; I want the conveniences of a large city nearby but enjoy the atmosphere of the small town. I think I always knew this because after living five years in Honolulu, I looked forward to moving to Kauai even though all my friends thought I would never actually do it. I lived two years on Kauai and absolutely loved it even though we didn't have a large city nearby. There are so much more to do and see here and I can't wait to make the next discovery.

Almost a North Carolinian

2005-08-22T13:10:00.000-05:00

I don't feel like too much of a sore thumb anymore. My car passed inspection with the new light bulbs I had to buy to replace the ones that burnt out near my license plate. I forgot that those were out but nothing four dollars worth of supplies and six dollars worth of labor couldn't take care of. The hubby says it looks weird to see my car without my Nevada license plates. I think it does too especially since they only require a back license plate and not a front. I'm not used to living someplace where a front license plate is not needed so my car looks a little out of place without one. I guess a lot of folks here put front vanity plates on such as ones from the college they graduated from (the most popular I think), their sorority or fraternity, or their favorite sports team. Others I've seen are custom made ones with their name spray painted or ones that say "princess" or "queen."

The hubby has suggested I get one of those plates to make my car look less naked. He has one from his university and unfortunately the university I went to doesn't make one since that state is required to have both a front and back license plate. So what to do? I decided that I would get an Atlanta Braves one since they are my favorite MLB team. What's funny is that when you decide that's what you want to do, you can never find the one you like. Sure we've seen them elsewhere but decided to wait to pick it up. So now my car remains without a front plate. I suppose I will get used to it and may not even want to add on another plate.

The Joys of Living in NC

2005-08-17T16:39:00.000-05:00

So I finally got my social security card and went to register my car today. In and out within five minutes. I kid you not. Of course I still have to get my "safety check" which is required for all cars here where they check your headlights, brake lights, blinkers, etc. So instead of just a smog check like in Vegas, they actually check to see that your car has the proper working parts. I think that's really good considering that I used to do that in Hawaii. It really keeps you on your toes with the upkeep of your vehicle. However this beautiful story must have a dark and dreary side. After paying to register my car here which cost approximately $200, I still have to pay a county tax on it. Yep, I have to pay taxes on my car that I own to the county and it's not a one-time deal either. Apparently you have to pay property tax on your car like you would your home. Fortunately they have the decency not to charge you for that until about three months after you register your car. The decency really comes from the fact that the DMV must send the records of all registrations to the county tax assessors office and usually that takes approximately three months. I told the hubby today that I was moving back to LV. I guess it'll all come out even I think. I am paying less for car insurance here and the amount they tax me is probably what I was getting taxed anyways in LV except they did it through the DMV. As an update to the social security card fiasco, I got my official marriage license a couple of days after I visited the social security office to get a replacement social security card. This time I decided to just mail in the document with my app. to get a card in my married name. I'm sure the social security office is wondering what the heck I'm doing. I think the hubby was trying to be funny when he said I can get my driver's license in my married name once I get my new social security card. Knowing that I have to take a test to get this license doesn't make me want to run down there and I sweetly turned to him and said that my present driver's license doesn't expire for another two years...

We're Back and Then Some...

2005-08-15T13:09:00.000-05:00

We're back from Nashville. The drive wasn't too terrible and it was nice to spend the time together.

I am contemplating closing down this blog and moving to greener and quieter pastures. In fact, I have started to experiment with another service. I know there are some of you (don't know IRL) that visit here time and time again, and have even created a link (thanks, btw). If you'd like to know my next incarnation and can provide me with some ample proof that I don't know you except for cyberspace, then I will lead you on to my next stage. Go ahead and email me.

In the meantime, I will post here for a little while more.

Et al...

2005-08-11T08:29:00.000-05:00

What doesn't tear us apart can only make us stronger, right? The hubs and I have had a tough two weeks where our emotions climbed the highest high and then plummeted to the lowest lows. But we are on the road to recovery and returning to our optimistic selves. I thought about writing about it here but realized that there are people out there I know that read this and don't know about my situation. I guess I'd like to keep it that way.

In other news, we are taking a short weekend trip to Nashville to watch a very good friend get married again. Yes, that's right, again. She was married, officially, last month in her hometown in Hawaii but the trip was a little too far for some of the folks in his hometown of Nashville. Though his parents and close members of his family went to Hawaii, many others could not. So they are having their "encore" wedding at a church in his hometown. While this isn't the scale of their wedding last month, it's a nice way to include his side of the family. Me? Well fortunately the hubs family did not suggest such an affair though I am sorry that is grandmother was unable to attend our wedding due to health issues. That reminds me, we do need to plan a trip to see her very soon, I think.

As far as married life goes, we've been married about two months now and finally got our official marriage license in the mail last week. As you recall my fiasco with having to go down to the social security office to get a replacement card in my present name, well now I have to apply again and get a new card in my married name. I haven't received the replacement card yet so I guess I'll wait for that to arrive. I'll be glad when everything gets done regarding my name change because it's hard enough trying to remember what name I can use and when.

Bon Odori Festival

2005-08-07T16:15:00.000-05:00

It's been a rough weekend and Sunday isn't even over yet. The hubby is gone for a few days for work and I am faced with being alone. I haven't been alone since we moved in together over three months ago. When I mean alone, I mean we haven't spent a night apart for the last three months so this is a little strange. It's really a different kind of "being alone" since I know he will be coming home in a few days.

Even though we've had a pretty rough weekend, we did get to go to the annual Bon Odori festival yesterday. I wasn't sure what to expect since this is N.C. and I haven't really seen a viable Japanese-American or even a Japanese community. But apparently there are many Japanese expatriates living here, hence, the Bon Odori festival. The Bon Odori festival is held in Japan during the summer months. This custom came to Hawaii when many Japanese immigrated to the islands to work in the cane fields. My familiarity with the festival stems from my upbringing as a Buddhist. Throughout the summer, every Buddhist temple in Hawaii sponsors a "Bon Dance" as we called them. The Bon Odori or Bon Dance is a time of celebration even though its meaning may seem a bit somber. You see, the Bon Dance is a time when you feel closer to those ancestors who have passed on. When you participate in the dance, you are dancing with your ancestors who have long passed away.

Yesterday's Bon Odori had the same meaning but essentially was more of a festival with food booths, games, and various Japanese trinkets for sale. They also had a taiko (Japanese drum) performance, tea ceremony demonstration, flower (ikebana) arranging displays, and, of course, the Japanese dancing. They played some familiar and some unfamiliar songs for the dances but as I was standing there, I could almost imagine being back home again feeling the early evening breezes blowing. This was a new experience for the hubby, the Bon Odori festival, but I could sense he enjoyed it very much and he said he did. I have included two pictures from yesterday's outing. The first is a picture of the yagura or tower that is usually the center of the dancing. The dancing is done around the yagura and anyone is invited to dance, young and old, experienced and inexperienced, dressed in Japanese clothing or not. The hubby saw it as "Japanese line dancing." The second picture is the taiko group called "Zero Taiko" that performed throughout the afternoon. Two of the members (pictured) were particularly striking in their performance as you can see.

Bureaucracy

2005-08-03T15:33:00.000-05:00

If you decide to move to North Carolina and need to register your car, make sure you have your social security card with you. Yes, you need it to register your car or else you will be like me and make a trip down to the social security office only to wait about an hour and a half so that you can spend 5 minutes with the person at the window. Bureaucracy, gotta love our country. As far as what your social security card has to do with registering your car, I really don't know. I know you need it to get a new driver's license and I was waiting for my marriage license so that I could get a new social security card in my married name. I'm not so sure I want to spend another hour and half waiting to turn in a form so that I can get my card in another two weeks.

There is some pretty big news in our household that will have to wait before it's public knowledge. But we're just ecstatic as is some of our close family. It's a lot to take in right now so we're just enjoying knowing what we know.

I haven't been writing much because there really isn't much I want to say. I miss so many of my friends and am glad for our really good phone service. The hubby has been extremely attentive to me and very understanding. I am a lucky woman!

The Details

2005-07-29T13:51:00.000-05:00

As time marches on, so did my feelings of ennui. Though I'm not entirely my "off-the-charts" happy self, I am, at least, a resemblance of my usual state of being.

So here are a few more pictures from our wedding day. It's mostly pictures of the details that I love. This first picture is my mom's hands. She didn't know that the photographer took that picture but I will forever cherish it because these are the hands I held when I was a child. I remember holding her hand so I wouldn't get lost. Actually I used to hold just her pinky because my hands were too small to hold on tightly to her whole hand. These are truly the hands of a mother.

This picture is a patch from my dad's army uniform that I pinned underneath my dress. It was my way of having my dad with me since he passed away a few years ago. My brother did a wonderful job walking me down the aisle for our father. Every little girl dreams of having her father walk her down the aisle on her wedding day and even though my dad couldn't, he was there with me the whole ceremony and reception. He would have loved the hubby because, in many ways, the hubby is just like him.

This last picture is the hubby's wedding band and the necklace I wore with my wedding dress. I love a man who loves wearing his wedding ring and my hubby definitely loves wearing his wedding ring. The necklace, which was more like a chocker, was from my honor attendant. He purchased it that morning and it went beautifully with my dress. The necklace is mainly silver with a gold heart center. I liked how it looked when we took our pictures.

These details from our wedding might have gone unnoticed if it weren't for these pictures. Again, our photographer did a beautiful job.

All pictures were taken by Katie Robinson and are copyrighted. Use of any of the pictures on this page without permission is prohibited. If you would like to use any of these pictures, please email me. Thank you.

A Bout of Homesickness

2005-07-25T15:45:00.000-05:00

After almost three months here, I've finally got a touch of homesickness. I am feeling this way because of a number of things... not having a job and not in the mood to look for one but knowing I have to, having no friends around except the hubby, still not being entirely familiar with my surroundings, the dreaded time of the month and what that means and the realization that everything wedding related is over. Okay, I know it's been over five weeks but I was waiting for our pictures and doing other final wedding related activities (i.e. writing thank you notes). I still have a few wedding things to do but they are really small. I'm not sure where I am homesick for. I think it's more the fact that where I was three months ago is no more and will never be again; the familiarity of it all and having people I know around me.

I totally love the hubby and he is my best friend but sometimes you just need a girlfriend around. Someone who will gossip shamelessly with you and just agree with you even though whatever she's agreeing to may not be right. Where do you look for girlfriends when you move to a new city and are in your mid-30s? I don't necessarily want to associate with other couples just to have a girlfriend nor do I need to bring the hubby with me everywhere. I think that's the good thing about us; we are still able to maintain our independence. As I was telling a friend a few weeks ago, I feel like I am in this new dimension; no longer single and now able to go to the "grown-up" couple's outings. We did indeed attend a party at his co-worker's house that was for only grown-ups; basically couples. It was a lot of fun but those women there with maybe the exception of one of them would not be the ones I'd consider spending girlfriend time together. They have their interests and I have mine, and they don't intersect as evidence by the amount of alcohol consumed and the level of noise. I drink as more of a social activity rather than using it as an excuse to forget the horrible day I had (though on one or two occasions I have).

I know much of this will pass... it usually takes a few months for it to do so. So I will wait and let time handle it as I have always done and maybe next time I'll be a little bit more chipper.

My Discoveries

2005-07-22T18:43:00.000-05:00

I've made two new discoveries living here... one is a Japanese food market about three miles away with very (and I mean very) limited selections but good enough for now and the Bon Odori Festival next month. Yep, here I am in North Carolina and they have a Bon Odori Festival. I am really looking forward to that. It's hard enough not having anything remotely Hawaii-like here (e.g. foods, stores, restaurants), but to have nothing at all is just a shame. Now that I know they have a Bon Odori Festival, I can be reminded of those warm summer nights in Hawaii dancing under the starry skies, catching up with friends and eating yummy concession foods. Of course the festival here is on a Saturday from 11 a.m. to 5 p.m. at a convention-type place. I can deal with that. Like I said anything is better than nothing. Besides the dancing, they will have Japanese food, a taiko performance, a tea ceremony and even flower arranging. I am very excited and can't wait to go.

Nothing much going on this weekend. The hubby and I have some idea of what we'd like to do but no real plans. I'd like to see "Wedding Crashers." It got some good reviews and looks like a funny flick. More later if I can think of something.

A View of A Wedding

2005-07-19T12:21:00.000-05:00

A rather obscure picture of the hubby and I but it's more to keep things a bit anonymous. This was one of the pictures taken at our wedding by our photographer that I love because of the fact that I can see his wedding ring. Yes, we're kissing. It's a tradition at weddings that I've attended that the couple kiss when the guests start tapping their water glasses with their forks or other utensils. He never heard of it before but didn't mind sticking to the tradition. There were quite a few times we entertained our guests requests.

Another picture from our photographer from the evening of our wedding. It's a very clear picture of downtown LA from our wedding site in Hollywood hills. This is probably one of the best days LA had in a long time. The day before the wedding, I had taken this picture of the Hollywood hills. Though not a photo of downtown LA, you can see how terrible the smog looked; you can barely see the famous Hollywood sign. I guess we didn't think much about the views when we booked Yamashiro Restaurant for our wedding but we're glad it was a perfect day for us.

Last, but not least, a picture of my bouquet and a wristlet. The flowers were simple but very beautiful. I loved how our photographer used black and white film to capture the simplicity and beauty of these flowers.

All pictures with exception of the Hollywood sign were taken by Katie Robinson and are copyrighted. Use of any of the pictures on this page without permission is prohibited. If you would like to use any of these pictures, please email me. Thank you.

One Month

2005-07-17T21:25:00.000-05:00

So today marks the end of the first month of marriage. We've been living the blissful life of a married couple. I know the hubby is worried about me getting a job. Actually I think I've finally gotten tired of staying at home. I am starting to look with earnest. I just like to do things at my own pace and, truthfully, I don't like to talk about those things. I never did even with family and friends. I guess it goes back to being private about things. I really think it's because I worry if things don't turn out, I don't want to have to explain and make excuses. You know, the ones where you have to explain why you didn't get the job. I've always been like that. So hopefully (wink, wink) he understands and doesn't get too frustrated when I don't talk too much about it. I'd like to just say to him one day... guess what, I got a job.

I suppose some of you wonder what I've learned in my first month of marriage or if I feel any different before I got married. Yes, we only lived together for about a month and a half before making it official so it's hard to speak for other people who have lived together for a longer period of time. For myself, I do feel different. I feel married and it's a good feeling. I feel like someone's wife, partner, spouse, lover, what have you. I love looking at my wedding band and seeing it with my engagement ring. Having the two rings makes me feel complete. I like having to say "my husband" or hearing him say "my wife." I probably feel this way because I never thought I would end up getting married. The other odd thing I learned though I'm sure he's told me before is that my husband used to play pool and for a league before. Not professionals but good enough to win. It's cool.

The other good thing about being married is that you will most likely get invited to the homes of other couples. What I mean is that last night we went over to his co-worker's house for a cookout. Everyone there was a couple with the exception of one guy whose wife could not make it (no babysitter) but would have gladly come. It was fun and a bit strange being among all these couples. It was definitely a new experience for me.

To sum it up, the first month of marriage went by quick and painless. We still feel like newlyweds and probably will feel that way for a few months.

The First Month (Almost)

2005-07-13T13:12:00.000-05:00

I can hardly believe we are about the approach our one month mark. Truthfully, I think this time in our relationship is the most normal it's ever been. When I moved in at the end of April, there were so many things going on such as finishing the wedding plans. Then just like that, we were flying out to LA and after a whirlwind week, we were married. We came home for a week and then we were off again for another week. It's been little over a week we've been home. I am still trying to clean up after the wedding and still (yes, folks, still) trying to figure out where everything goes.

I know I should be actively looking for a job and I think I am approaching the point where I need a distraction. In truth, it's nice to stay home and do all the things I never did the last 17 years of my life while I was at work. But I need to get my brain working again and engaged in my life. But I also want to do it on my terms. I think the most difficult thing to learn about being married is that I am part of a couple but I'm also an individual, and I need to figure out where the line is between the two. When you are by yourself, it is easy to keep things private. I tend to be a very private person, I think. I don't like people being in my affairs and I don't like people asking about them. It makes me really uncomfortable. But when you're married, you can't be like that totally. There's not only one person anymore, but two. I need to learn how to deal with that.

I know I will find a job that will suit me. I'm not quite sure what that job will be but I will find it. It's rather disconcerting to be looking at jobs with salaries that I was making years ago. It really isn't about the salary too much but rather that I worked hard to be where I was before I left my last job. I don't regret it and I don't wish I was still at that job but I also don't want to be pushed into something I don't want to do. I know I will find the job that is right for me.

Podcasts

2005-07-12T09:17:00.000-05:00

I am totally hooked on podcasts. I finally meandered my way over to that part of the iTunes site and started off with one subscription, then two, and now I have five. What are podcasts you might ask? Podcasting as I understand them are like amateur types of broadcasts. Basically you can have your own weekly radio show and talk just about anything you want to talk about. I have two favorites right now. The first is close to my heart because it's from my home state of Hawaii: HawaiiUp. This particular podcast is hosted by Ryan and generally covers island life including his own personal life with his wife and three children. I feel homesick for the islands when I listen to his broadcast. Great job, Ryan! The other podcast that I cannot get enough of is hosted by this husband and wife team from their Wisconsin farm. Don't think this is your typical midwesterners because they aren't! They describe themselves as "two ex gutter punks" so you figure it out. You can find them at their website The Dawn and Drew Show!.

And It Rained... And the Beat of Married Life Goes On

2005-07-08T18:43:00.000-05:00

Yesterday we got the after effects of Cindy. It is the first time I have seen it rain so hard here. Luckily I did not have to be out driving or walking in it so I could enjoy how fast and how hard it rained. There was some flooding but no where near where we live. I'm guessing her boyfriend, Dennis, will be following sometime in the next few days as he makes his way up the coast following her.

We have officially been married 21 days as of today! Can't believe next week will make it a month or rather close to a month if you're counting the weeks. I guess you can say that our one month anniversary will be July 17th which is on Sunday. Married life has been great for us so far. Truthfully it's not much different than the few weeks before we were married except we truly feel we are connected for life. The rings on our hands tell us that and seeing our marriage certificate from the church hanging on the wall does too. It's great going by my married name (though still unofficially). Seems silly since a lot of women nowadays want to keep their maiden name so that they can remain independent. Yeah, well, changing my last name doesn't mean I give up any kind of independence. Rather I choose to share my life with my husband and we are a family together.

Still trying to recover from all our trips. Got to start writing those darn "thank you" notes and getting life back to normal. I've seem to forgotten what normal is anymore.

The Reception

2005-07-07T13:54:00.000-05:00

After the ceremony, we retreated to these beautiful Japanese gardens overlooking Los Angeles to take pictures. I know I haven't really mentioned where we had the ceremony and reception mostly because I don't like to reveal too much about myself. But for the sake of preserving this moment on my blog, we had it at Yamashiro Restaurant. The folks there were so attentive to us even though we had a small wedding (approx. 33 guests).

Once the picture taking was over, we joined our guests in the reception room. Our reception was very casual because we wanted our guests to enjoy themselves. We hosted a very small cocktail hour with some sushi and fried shrimp. Then we had a sit-down dinner with a choice of either teriyaki chicken or grilled salmon. Dessert was, of course, wedding cake. We opted not to have either the garter or bouquet toss or even a formal program. Like I said, it was very casual. Everyone seemed to enjoy themselves and judging by what they said to us, they enjoyed both the ceremony and reception.

At the end of the evening, we left feeling very satisfied. The hubby said to me that I threw the perfect wedding for him, for us. What more could a bride ask for? It was the wedding we both wanted and I am relieved to say that everything went well.

The Cermony

2005-07-06T13:49:00.000-05:00

At 5:30 p.m. on the dot on June 17, 2005, the ceremony started. I walked down from the bridal room and right as I was about to go out, I realized I had forgotten my bouquet. So I turned around and asked the woman who was helping with the wedding to get it but the room had been locked. My brother, who was escorting me down the aisle, nudged me to just go. So there I was, walking out in front of our family and friends with no bouquet. No one seemed to notice to my surprise though through some stealth hand offs, I would get my bouquet.

I was a bit nervous but all that nervousness seemed to melt away as I got closer to the front and near the hubby. He was smiling at me with the biggest smile ever and he looked so handsome in his tux. He did an excellent job picking out the tux with a sage green vest and tie. Once I got up there and in front of him, I felt so overwhelmed with happiness and had the biggest grin on my face. Neither one of us had any problems with our vows or the rings or anything during the ceremony. We were the happiest people on the planet that afternoon. I truly can attest that it is one of the most happiest days of my life. Even a friend who was taking video of the wedding said that his camera could not accurately capture the look on my face. He was overwhelmed with how happy we both were and commented several times that the wedding was just "lovely." By 6 p.m., we were officially husband and wife.

Oh, I forgot to mention that the processional was to the classic Pacalbel's Canon, well one version of it at least. When the ceremony was over and we were ready to walk off, we had chosen Stevie Wonder's, You are the Sunshine of my Life. What a great way to start our life together and to get the reception underway.

The Wedding Day

2005-07-06T13:37:00.000-05:00

So I won't lie and tell you that we spent the night before the wedding apart. In the spirit of not seeing each other before the wedding, we decided that it meant we wouldn't see each other in our wedding attire before the ceremony. We actually separated sometime in the morning when my Honor Attendant came to take me to breakfast. I did not have a MOH because the person I wanted standing next to me at my ceremony is male. Instead, the proper term is "Honor Attendant" for which he was.

After a leisure breakfast with a couple of other friends, we went off to search for a nail salon before my hair and make up appointment at the hotel. Sadly, we could not find one in close proximity to my hotel so we ended up back at my hotel in time for my hair and make up appointment. The hotel itself is Japanese owned and I would guess most of the tenants in there are too. The salon I went to assigned a young Japanese man to do my hair and make up, Kazuyuki. Truthfully I was skeptical but decided to place myself in his care. After a brief discussion as to what I envisioned and what he envisioned, I decided to defer to him and I'm glad I did. My hair and make up came out as perfect as I could have imagined.

By the time that was done, it was almost time to leave for the restaurant where we were having the ceremony and reception. The plan was to get there and put all the decorations, favors and placecards on the tables. After we were done, we'd go up to the Bride's room and I would call the hubby to come up to get ready. Like clockwork, everything fell into place. We got the tables dressed up and placed all the programs in the seats. While we were doing that the cake arrived and was set on a table. Now that the reception room and wedding area was done, I retired up to the Bride's room and called the hubby (then fiance) to come to the restaurant.

It was a good two hours before the wedding but the time seemed to fly by. My aunt and a good friend helped me put on my wedding gown. I can tell you that a wedding gown is not complete without a veil. When the veil was placed on my head, I was ready. It was still about an hour and a half before the wedding so I tried my best to relax and keep calm. The bridal room had windows overlooking the garden where the ceremony would take place. I could peek and see all the activity including the guests arriving. I remember seeing the hubby arrive and being overcome with emotion. We hadn't seen each other all day and to know that we would be getting married in a while was just too much for me. I could feel tears welling up but tried to keep them down because I didn't want to ruin my make up.

We or rather I decided we would take a few pictures before the ceremony with family that didn't require both of us to be in them. The hubby went first with his family and when he was done, I went downstairs and took my pictures. Then it was back into the bridal room to wait for the ceremony to start.

Home Is Where the Heart Is

2005-07-05T07:26:00.000-05:00

We are back and I can't tell you how nice it is to be home again. After the wedding in LA and being gone a week, then being home a week only to pack up again and gone a little over another week, we gladly hang our hats up at home for now. We both love to travel but it is best done in smaller doses and not so close together. However, we were happy to have some time to honeymoon Charleston. It is such a beautiful and historic city. We decided we'd like to go back again to spend our entire vacation there instead of it being a working trip (for him).

Postponed Post

2005-06-24T19:31:00.000-05:00

We're gone for another vacation. Well work for the hubby but a vacation for me. I'm about half done with the wedding day entry. It'll have to wait until we're back. In the meantime, enjoy your Fourth of July holiday!

Pre-Wedding

2005-06-22T08:20:00.000-05:00

To say that the last week was wonderful would be an understatement. It was simply fantastic! Out-of-this world amazing! We left for California the Saturday before last which was about a week before our wedding. We had some obligations before the wedding and we also had to take care of some wedding business. Our week went like this:

Arrived in LA Saturday (June 11) evening and after waiting for the bus from the car rental agency (note to self, use a major agency that doesn't stop running their busses after 7 p.m. making you have to call them for one), we got ourselves a PT Crusier. Negotiating the freeways and streets of LA in the evening in a car with no maplight (yes, no maplight in that rental) is not fun but we made it to our hotel tired and hungry. We ordered room service and promptly fell asleep. The next morning we attended church services at the church our marrying minister is at. He requested us to do so and we agreed without any hesitation. It was truly a wonderful Sunday service and his congregation was warm and welcoming to us. Then we drove over to my relatives where my mom was staying to visit with them a bit. That evening we had dinner together.

Monday morning our first wedding business task was to get our marriage license. If you ever want to marry in LA, it's pretty easy to obtain a license. You simply must fill out an application that doesn't ask you any complicated question, show a valid picture ID, pay $70, and wait approximately one hour. Once you verify they entered the information correct into the computer, you are asked to swear the information is true and just like that you can get married. No blood test required.

Since we were traveling to our wedding destination, we mailed a few wedding things to my aunt so that we didn't have to take as much with us on the airplane. We picked those up and worked on completing our wedding favors and such. Tuesday was my birthday and rather lowkey. But I was equally glad for that since I wanted to relax. We spent the morning at the Japanese American National Museum and the afternoon in Santa Monica. You gotta love LA with all its culture and diversity. Of course, the fiance (now hubby) gave me a sterling silver Tiffany heart ID tag bracelet. I had be wanting one for awhile. He said he'd like to add charms in the future with our children's names on them (heart melt commence).

Wednesday morning we met up with my future in-laws (now my in-laws officially) and the hubby's brother and sis-in-law to see the LaBrea Tar Pits. I had been there many times but none of his family had. They thoroughly enjoyed it and I always have. I would say the major pre-wedding activities didn't begin until that evening when we took our parents out to dinner so that they could meet for the first time. Everyone got along wonderfully.

Thursday was our rehearsal and rehearsal dinner. It was a nice way to relax and for everyone of meet together. At our dinner there was about 17 of us in the "Pope Room" at the Santa Monica Buca di Beppo. The service and food was just spectacular, and so was the conversations. It was the way I had hoped to spend the night before my wedding and I did.

I Now Pronounce You...

2005-06-19T20:59:00.000-05:00

The hubby and I are home now. The wedding was simply beautiful according to all our family and friends. I was floating on a cloud throughout the ceremony and reception. More details later as we are so darn tired...

Gone Fishing... Coming Back With A Catch

2005-06-10T12:02:00.000-05:00

I haven't had much time to write lately because I am finishing up last minute wedding stuff. Yes, I always leave stuff to the last minute. We leave for sunny California tomorrow afternoon. About this time next week I will be getting ready for my wedding. I really can't believe it's here and, to top it off, I am a June bride! Next time I post, I'll be a married woman!

Signs of Aging

2005-06-06T09:49:00.000-05:00

I remember when I turned 30 my then boss said to me things will never be the same. The first evidence came when I played tennis or some other sport and did not properly warm up. Yep, ouch. I strained a muscle in my leg that took several days to get back to normal. Of course, the real reason is that I don't partake in any real exercise regime so my muscles are rarely ever over used or well used. Unfortunately, exercise and sports are not part of my lifestyle like they should be. Now that I am in my mid-30s, I realize how much aging can take a toll on your body. The last few days I haven't been feeling my best and I'm sure some of it has to do with hidden wedding stress. On the other hand, the fiance, usually a rather spry fellow himself, suffered a back spasm which didn't completely immobilize him but left him aching. The first sign that aging isn't pretty or smells pleasant is when you go to bed with someone smelling like menthol. Okay, it's not that bad but I didn't think I would be smelling menthol until I was well into my late 50s or even 60s. Fortunately it seems like he is recovering well and just in time for our wedded bliss next week. Even if I had to endure the pleasant odor of mentol on our wedding night, I'd be a very happy woman knowing that I have the love of my life right beside me. After all, I did agree to take him as my husband "in sickness and in health" right?

Nosy

2005-06-03T15:16:00.000-05:00

The fiance says I am quite nosy. Yes, I must admit that I have this "need to know" gene in me. Fortunately, I am not a snooper. My "need to know" only applies to things such as gifts and surprises (it's my reporter instinct). So you know when it comes to our wedding and gifts, well, I am always excited to know when something is bought for us. Everyday brings new and wonderful surprises that add to our booty of loot we already received. The whole concept of registering for gifts coupled with the Internet is simply amazing. I can see what we will get before we get it! The surprise for me is knowing that we will soon receive a number of gifts (even though I already know what they are). Too bad someone can't come up with a better concept for birthday and Christmas gifts instead of the numerous "wish list" type of services the 'net provides. What I mean is that you actually register for birthday and Christmas gifts just like you would for wedding gifts. I know some of you probably don't see the humor in such a service but for me it would be a great idea! Now if I can only get the fiance to tell me what he is or will buy me for my birthday...

Weekend in ATL

2005-05-31T15:22:00.000-05:00

The fiance and I spent the Memorial Day weekend in ATL for a couple of reasons: 1) his bachelor party and 2) the Braves game. Actually plans for the weekend was prompted more with his buddies wanting to take him out for his bachelor party. I am happy to report the fiance behaved himself, a little too much, I might add. It was what he wanted and it made him extremely happy. I suspect if the fiance was 15 years younger, the bachelor party might resemble one that might make me think twice about marrying the fellow. Truthfully, that really isn't in his nature at all. I'm very lucky.

As mentioned, we "braved" the rain to see the Braves kick the Phillies buns. I really enjoyed the second ever major league baseball game I've been to in my life; the first being the LA Dodgers eons ago. I hope to see more in the future. It's too bad we don't live in the immediate vincinity because I would have suggested to the fiance we buy season tickets. Yes, I love baseball that much and I wouldn't mind doing that.

That was about it for the weekend. Only two more weeks before we leave for our wedding. We get there a week ahead to do things such as get our marriage license and finish up last minute details. I'm glad it's almost here; time for our lives to get on.

Space And The State of Being Married

2005-05-27T15:24:00.000-05:00

The fiance and I have been enjoying our cohabitation state of life. Sometimes I think we get on each other's nerves but that's just part of sharing your space. I've had more than my share of alone time here while he hasn't really. I'm not sure if that bothers him. I do try to give him his space but he seems more than happy to have me pester him. And when I says pester, I mean pester. I think we've been good about giving the other space when needed. And it's not like either one of us can't jump into a car and make that space.

We both commented this morning that we feel married already. I'm not sure how a cermony, the addition of rings and a piece of paper will make either one of us feel differently. I think we will feel different. It's not just a state of mind but a state of being, I think. I know I will have to make some major changes such as going from Ms. N----- to Mrs. H-----. I've already practiced the new signature which is more disconcerting to me than just telling people my new last name mostly because I will have to change the way my signature flows. The other difference will be saying to people, "My husband...." or "My wife..." Apparently the fiance has, on occasion, used the phrase, "My wife..." It's rather cute. I can say one thing that makes me feel so much more differently is when I try on my wedding band. Yes, I know it's just a simple ring with no stones but I love how it makes me feel. I can't explain it but it just does. Looking at it together with my engagement ring is such an amazing feeling. I know the fiance feels the same way with his wedding band. You gotta love a man who can't wait to wear his ring and will wear it! Onward to the wedding in another 21 days!

Many Thanks and The Weekend

2005-05-23T16:54:00.000-05:00

According to Ms. Manners, I probably shouldn't have left the "thank you" cards I needed to write until now. But at least I am getting them done, right? I didn't realize how many I had to write but more importantly, I didn't realize how many people actually liked me. I know that sounds kind of conceited but it's not. I guess I really made an impression with the people I worked with both in my immediate area and the department as a whole. That is bound to make anyone feel good!

There wasn't much of a weekend for us since the fiance had to work one day. But we took full advantage of Sunday by going out early and getting a lot of stuff done. We came home by early afternoon and settled down. He's making something for our wedding that he needed to work on and I continue to sort though the mess. It was nice and calm, and not like previous weekends when we were traveling. We both feel settled.

Wedding madness is starting to crank up as I have not even finished the programs nor have I finished the favors or the table decor. But at least most of the "thank you" card have been sent out and that's a relief.

Just The Two of Us

2005-05-20T13:50:00.000-05:00

Some of the irritation I've been feeling has passed. While it may sound like I was talking about money, I really wasn't. In truth, I am more than happy to share whatever I have. In my opinion, it's about the two of us together now. I guess that's really the issue. I've mentioned this in some post previously (can't remember when exactly) but I feel like I'm thinking about us rather than just me. But I can't be the only one thinking about us. I have to feel that he is thinking about us too. Some of that comes from actions. For example, when it comes to paying for meals, I'd like it if he just didn't let me pay all the time. Okay, he just doesn't do that but it seems that way sometimes. We have to take care of each other now. I am not asking him to give up the things he loves such as buying the books he likes or the stuff he likes for his car. I would never ask that. But we are a we and it's not me anymore.

I can definitely attest that life is much better now that we are together. I never thought I would find that other half of me; the person that makes me feel complete. Yes, I know it sounds suspiciously similar to a certain Tom Cruise/Renee Zellweger movie but it's true. He does make me feel complete. He is my rock and he loves me completely, flaws and all. When you find someone you love who can love you for who you are, you have hit the jackpot. Life is good... even with its bumps because that's what makes it interesting.

Roommates vs. Coupledom

2005-05-19T10:19:00.000-05:00

Being roommates is a whole lot easier than being a couple. Why? Well it's understood that if you are roommates you share everything equally. There shouldn't be a discussion about who should pay for what or how things are going to be paid for: you pay your half and I pay my half. I've had a lot of roommates and for that very reason, I wanted to live by myself and I had for the last 9 years of so. Some of my experiences living with roommates have been great and some have been terrible. I found out what worked best for me was that everyone bought their own food. I was once in a situation where everyone shared in the expense of groceries but that would mean if you cooked something, you'd have to cook for everyone. After a while, people would get upset because when they wanted to eat something, it would be gone before they had any of it. There was no equally eating of the groceries and there usually never is. The other expenses, well, that would entail taking turns to buy stuff like toilet paper, etc. But the basic premise of being roommates was that everything was divided equally.

In the world of coupledom, it's a little different as it should be. My own experiences being in coupledom were nil until now. So the closest example I know is my parents and they were already married. Since my mom did not work at all, my dad was the one that brought home the "bacon" and essentially handed it over to my mom who paid all the bills and bought all the necessities for the home. I understand things are different now (as in this day and age) and I am completely fine with it. But as of late, I feel that I am supporting this home of ours. I pay my due when I need to (e.g. rent) and have tried to contribute more both in chores and in finances as I am not technically working but still getting "paid" from my previous job. And I know our lifestyles were different before we became one household: I enjoyed going out to eat with friends while he enjoys staying home. Somehow we haven't quite made it to the happy medium in my opinion. Many times I try to even things out by paying for half but somehow I feel my half becomes more like 2/3's. And when it comes to reaching for who pays for the restaurant check, I've paid for a lot of it because as soon as I pay for it, there is no trying to get it back. What I mean is that I grew up with the notion that I do my part as much as possible. When I go out with friends, if they pay one time, I try to pay the next time. We try to be as fair as possible. This is probably more in the realm of roommies rather than coupledom. But everything works out in the end.

I guess I am a little frustrated right now and it was bound to happen. Much of this is brought on by that notorious time of the month I think. I also hate to dwell on things but I thought one of the seemingly interesting things that happened was Mother's Day. I got my mom her gifts and he got his mom her gifts and I also got her something on the side as well. We also took his mom out to brunch which was shared among the kids (he, his brother, me and his sis-in-law). Since we all paid in cash for the brunch and I had cash and he didn't, I put it in. Later on the drive home, he figured out how much we spent between our moms and what would equate to half. Normally I wouldn't really care but in making that calculation, he figured he owed me money. Frankly I would have rather just leave what we paid for our gifts alone and just split the cost of the meal.

None of this means the end of the world. I know I will get over it and I just have to learn to be better at this couple thing. I know from watching my parents that it doesn't magically get easier one day. We come from two different ways of doing things and I haven't exactly stuck with the way my parents do things but find a way that suits me. The fiance, I feel, envisions our way of doing things his parents way. I'm not so sure about that way but I'm willing to try it. Truthfully, I'd rather we find our own way.

The Weekend and Observations

2005-05-17T08:03:00.000-05:00

The fiance and I have been pretty busy these first few weekends together. We managed to take a short trip to Columbia, SC the first weekend home and then down to GA these last two weekends: one for Mother's Day and one to attend the art opening of a friend. Though we've never spent this amount of time together in any one visit, it doesn't feel unnatural at all. In fact, it's as though we've been together for a long time.

The whole situation with our living together has been rather amusing. The fiance goes to work every day (albeit weekends of course) and I stay home to tend to our home. Most of this is dictated by my work situation (I am unemployed by choice) and our impending wedding in a month. I have easily fallen into the role of taking care of our home. I wonder if this is part of the natural biology of a female? Maybe it's not attributed to "biology" but rather to my upbringing. My own mom didn't really work when my brother and I were growing up. My dad was the breadwinner and went off to work every day. When he came home, my mom would make sure dinner was on the table. I think I have become my mom except we have no children yet. And I will get a job (after the wedding).

On the other side of not working right now, I see who spends their time out during the weekdays. I noted this to the fiance one day when I came back from Tar-jay or however you folks call the big red bulls-eye store. The only people that shop at this establishment during the week days while the rest of us are at work are moms (present and expecting) and retired folks. And, of course, people like me: the unemployed. I never knew what went on during the hours I was at work until now. More observations to come.

Five, Four, Three, Two...

2005-05-13T14:12:00.000-05:00

I guess you can say we're in the final stretch to the wedding. Just about five weeks until the big day though we are traveling there the week before. So, really, I only have four weeks left to do stuff. Yikes! I can't believe how quickly the day is creeping up on us. We are so ready to be married and we might as well be. I think we both feel we are married already. It will be nice to officially sign my name as the "Mrs." instead of just talking about it. I'm already getting in the habit of giving his last name since mine seems hard to take for those unfamiliar with its origins. But you can't do it all the time unless it's official.

I don't really have much to say about our cohabitation lives yet. I try to do my part since I am the one at home all day while he's at work. It's not as though he is supporting me since I am technically being paid out for my vacation which probably covers a majority of this month. But staying home all day is not something I am used to. I try to occupy my time by going out to do errands. What's strange is that if I have the time off, my choice would not be to do errands but rather spend time on me. For example, spend time at a bookstore and having some coffee. But I feel a bit guilty since I have things to do like unpack and write an ungodly number of thank you notes. I have to get those done. But I'm in a new town and new surroundings. I'm distracted by it. Once the "newness" wears off and I think it will soon, I will be back on track.

Celebrating Our Mothers

2005-05-09T14:53:00.000-05:00

Over the weekend, the fiance and I went to visit his parents (they are driving distance unlike my mom) for Mother's Day. We got there on Saturday around lunch and after visiting for a bit, headed off to the mall. He got his hair cut and we did a little shopping (or nesting as I like to call it). We returned a wedding gift and got something for the house. Then we went to visit his friend who manages a jewelry store and within the span of a half an hour, I had bought his wedding ring. The rest of the day was spent walking around downtown near the university and seeing all these neat stores.

Sunday was entirely about mom. The fiance's brother and sister-in-law drove over so that we could all go out to lunch. As predicted by sis-in-law, there were a lot of people out for Mother's Day. The wait wasn't entirely too bad. The food and company made up for it. After spending some time hanging around the house, we all left to go home. On the drive home, I called my mom and she sounded very happy with the gifts she had received. Yes, it was all about the moms.

I must admit that I worry about my mom's feelings when it comes to these matters. I don't want her to feel left out or feel that I am choosing my future MIL (mother-in-law) over her. There is no choosing to do; we are all family now.

So begins my second full week here. I feel like I am getting my bearings down and feeling a little more comfortable making my way around here. It'll be an adventure for awhile.

Unpacking and Being Domestic

2005-05-04T14:21:00.000-05:00

I am in upacking hell mostly because I don't know where to put everything. I think the problem is that there are things here already and I am adding in my stuff. So far there have been no arguments about what can be put where. But I feel as though I am a visitor rather than someone that lives here. Things are where the fiance likes them but not necessarily where I like them. I'm sure some discussions will ensue as we blend the two households together. I can only be thankful that I did not bring any furniture with me. Who knows where I would have put any of it?

Today I had lunch with the fiance. I drove over to his workplace and met him. It was nice to see him at work and to figure out how to get there. I am slowly figuring out my way around town. It is not difficult to get around here though one wrong turn could lead me into South Carolina. Not a big deal because I can just turn around and go the way I came.

Domestically speaking... on the homefront, I have managed to prepare real dinners the last few days. I was a bit worried that it would be too much for the fiance since he is used to eating simple and basic and easy meals. But after questioning him today, he seemed to be pleased at what I've done so far. Thank goodness. I am so used to just being one that it's hard to plan for two. To make things easier, I thought having a night of "you figure out what you want to eat" would do us good. That way if he wants to eat something he was used to eating, he can do it. It's hard getting used to all this. I realize now how independent I've been and how hard it will be to change. It'll take time but it will happen.

Home At Last!

2005-05-03T08:37:00.000-05:00

I haven't had much energy to write after spending an exhausting weekend filled with a friend in town, my wedding shower and furiously packing up the rest of my apartment in Sin City followed by a four-day trip across most of the country. After driving through the bottom of Nevada, through Arizona, Texas, Oklahoma, Arkansas and Tennessee to finally reach our destination here in North Carolina, we were thoroughly traveled and needed some rest. I think the fiance more than me since he did most of the driving while I tended to a rather irritated cat. Thankfully we all made it here safe and sound even through some torrential rainstorms.

It's rather strange being here for several reasons. The fiance and I no longer have to spend a week together followed by several weeks apart. He is back at work already and I am, well I am playing homemaker at least until after the wedding. I hope (fingers crossed) I will be able to find a suitable job when we get back. I suppose taking some time off isn't a bad thing but it's disconcerting since I've worked since I went to college. Another reason it's strange being here is that we don't have to call each other on the phone... a hip, hip, woo hoo for us and a boo hoo for the phone company. There are other reasons that I feel strange but I won't go into those right now.

For now, we are home. This is our home; my new home. There are so many things to do, most of all, finishing planning this wedding of ours. I hope I can get everything don that I need to do.

The Beginning Of A New Adventure

2005-04-22T00:14:00.000-05:00

I'm sure these postings will get more interesting now that I am embarking on cohabitation with the fiance. I truly can't believe how quickly the time has passed by. He'll be here Saturday/Sunday (depending upon the airline gods). We will finally be a "we." Well that's if we survive the drive across this great nation. Truthfully I don't think it'll be bad at all. In fact, I think we'll both be in awe at the new sights. Lots of pictures to take and lots of adventures to be had. Too bad we don't really have time to stop and play tourists. That's okay; I'm ready to settle in our new home.

These last few days at work have been unbelievable. If anyone thought working in a library was boring, well they haven't worked in the library I'm in. Lots more going on than the books being checked out. In any case, I am going to miss the people the most. Not only in my immediate area but throughout the facility. They've been a wonderful group. As these last few days passed by, I know for sure it is time to move on and start my life.

See you on the other side of the country as I make my transition from a west coast girl to a southeasterner!

Groovin' and Movin'

2005-04-10T23:59:00.000-05:00

After weeks of promising the fiance I would start sending my "stuff" to him, I finally sent off 11 boxes. Yes, 11 boxes and that's just a tad over the tip of the iceberg! I could not have even begun to tackle this project without one of my dearest friends. She is possibly one of the most organized people I know if not the most. With her help, we took lots and I mean lots of magazines off to the trash and another boat load of stuff to her car that she has offered to take to Goodwill.

Now that I am down to the last couple of weeks, I feel the pressure even more. I think I may have to put aside a lot of the wedding stuff to get the move stuff done. Between finishing out my job and getting packed, life is just too busy and too stressful right now. It will only get worse before it gets better I think. I know that a few weeks from now, this whole move will be a distant memory and we'll be in wedding mode. I am looking forward to spending a week in LA prior to the wedding. Since the fiance hasn't really seen LA much, we'd take the opportunity to do a few touristy things in between finishing up the last of the wedding stuff. We really can't wait to get married and start our lives together.

April Showers Will Soon Bring May Flowers

2005-04-03T16:11:00.000-05:00

It's already the third day of the month. Three more weeks of work and then I will be a homemaker. That'll be my official title between jobs. Not sure how long the sabbatical will be but at minimum it will last until after the wedding. There is no sense in getting a job for a month or so. I may look for some temp work while I finish planning our wedding if I get really antsy. But as it stands, I do have a lot of things to do before the wedding and it will be nice to do them together instead of being a couple of thousand miles apart.

May will officially be our first month together (as in the cohabitating in the same space). We get to do all the things couples do every single day. It may not sound exciting to the couples of the world but when you are in a long distance relationship, the little things matter like going grocery shopping together, seeing each other after work, seeing each other in the morning, watching Saturday morning cartoons, etc. I'm sure all of it will wear off and we'll become like every other couple together: comfortable. It's okay. Better for it to happen than not happen.

We already have some "couple" events to attend during the month. I think I was rebelling against my coupledom for a bit last week. We're in that stage where you sort of just assume you'll do everything together when you are together. Well I think one of us is and, weirdly enough, it's not me. It's not that I don't want to do things together but it'll take a little getting used to. Right now we each have this freedom that is precipitated by distance. We keep in check with each other but we still each do what we want. My life is about to change in that the routines I've had for the last few years will no longer be while I'll just get on the highway of his life as he continues to drive it. I'm sure he realizes his life will change as well but probably can't see it right now since he's not doing too much changing except clearing out space in his underwear drawer for me. It's okay. I can freak out a little here and there. That's just part of the changes happening. I'm sure he understands that these are big changes for me and doesn't mean I don't want to do couple things together. I merely need the time to adjust. Like I said, we'll soon fall into a routine and soon there will just be the natural assumption that I will go there with him or he will go here with me.

Dr. Jekyll and...

2005-04-01T20:37:00.000-05:00

Not sure where Mr(s). Hyde came from but (s)he is apparently is gone for now. I'm sure the fiance is wondering if this is what he gets to look forward to for the next 50 or so years. He is indeed a lucky man, indeedy do!

Running On Empty

2005-03-31T11:47:00.000-05:00

I can't do everything by myself. I just can't. Between work, the wedding, the move, and the everything else, I am quite tapped out on motivation.

My Fault

2005-03-31T02:46:00.000-05:00

I feel like everything is my fault right now and I don't know what to do to make it better.

Unearthing the Past and Finding Yourself

2005-03-28T01:33:00.000-05:00

After a weekend of avoiding the one thing I really need to do, I decided to do a bit tonight. Yes, I started to pack another box. This time I packed some blankets and some bags and purses. I also started to go through some stuff that I put in a bag to give to my friend who is having a garage sale this coming weekend. It's funny what you find when you start going through your stuff. I found an old journal that I had started in 1999 but never got really far. That's usually the case with me and written journals. I'd like to be better at keeping one but I'm not. In truth, I write more personal things about my life and my feelings in those pages than I will ever write here. I need to start doing that again only because I realize after re-reading the one I started in 1999 what a catharsis it truly was.

Most of what I wrote in that 1999 period is about a short time in my life where I had begun working at the job I have presently and about a couple of people I went out with. I think 1999 was a time when I was looking for someone to fill a void in my life. It almost sounds like I was desperate but I think it was more about being a human being and finding a companion. No, not in the physical sense but in the mental sense. I've always been the kind of person that rather connect with someone up in the noggin first and foremost. Yes, I am the kind of girl who would like to be friends first. I don't necessarily think it ruins what could be but rather makes what could be even better. Hopefully the man I'm marrying can attest to that (wink, wink).

All I'll say about what I wrote in my journal back in 1999 was an interesting experience. It was not to be and, for that, I am glad. It wasn't time to have that void in my life filled. Instead, it happened one night in the late fall approximately four years later when I thought I could live with that void.

As the months have slowly turned to weeks and now to days before I leave this life behind for a new one, I feel very scared. Maybe scared isn't the word but rather alone. None of what I am going to is mine. It's hard to explain right now but I feel like the outsider. Some decisions get made without me or with the understanding that I'm part of those decisions without so much a simple question of asking if I want to do something. I think I finally realize what it means to lose your identity when you become a couple or when you get married. I guess for me identity isn't so much about introducing me as part of a "Mr. and Mrs." but just the sheer fact that some things become understood. Perhaps that's where identity is lost more for me because some decisions aren't decisions anymore. They just are. I'm sure I will find my place soon enough in this new life. I always have and I always will.

The Traveling Man

2005-03-15T15:57:00.000-05:00

The fiance is out of town this week in Huntsville, AL of all places. Actually nothing is really different when it comes to our relationship when he's out of town other than we have limited opportunities to talk to each other. Though this time he is in a time zone only two, yes TWO, hours away from me rather than the three hours he normally is. The hour makes a bit of a difference I think. Three hours just seems like a long time period between he and I. For example, when it's only 1 p.m. here, it's already 4 p.m. where he's at. I'm only beginning my afternoon and he's getting ready for the evening.

I'm not sure how things will be when we cohabitate and he goes away for business. I'm sure it'll be fun when he returns from his trip. Right now, there is no fun except he's glad to be home and in his own bed. Thankfully, at the moment, he has no other trips planned. Of course that could change at any time.

When you're single, traveling seems rather appealing, I think, because you don't have any relationship responsibilities. I'm not implying that this gives you carte blanche to do whatever you like. Rather you can just leave at a moments notice and not worry about anyone else. I suppose the traveling gets tiring after awhile because you don't have anyone to welcome you home and take care of you. I'm sure the fiance will be glad to have some hugs when he comes home from his trips. Perhaps not only from me in the future.

The Wedding Hawaiian Quilt

2005-03-13T00:33:00.000-05:00

My mom is probably one of the few women in Hawaii that, at one time, still made Hawaiian quilts by hand. She has always made some kind of handiwork whether it was knitting, crocheting, sewing, etc. In fact, she has a natural talent toward those types of crafts. So it made sense that she would want to learn how to Hawaiian quilt. And she learned from a true pure Hawaiian woman: the mother of my uncle's wife. After learning this precious but somewhat lost art (many of the Hawaiian quilts today are made by machine), she proceeded to make pillows and a few blankets. By a few, I mean she only made 3 or 4 blankets because of the sheer size and time it took to make them.

Of the blankets she made, one was for my brother and one was for me; they were to be given to us when we got married. I will soon be getting the quilt she made for me. It's pink, of course, being that I am the girl in the family. The pattern she chose to make my quilt is called "ulu" which is breadfruit in Hawaiian. I am looking forward to receiving this quilt from my mom because it is a part of her that I will always have. The time and effort and love she put into making this beautiful quilt is priceless. I think at one time she never thought she'd be able to give either of her children their quilt (my brother is still unmarried). Though it's been difficult for her at times to accept the turn my life has taken, I feel that she is becoming comfortable with it. The other night she talked about sending us the quilt and we cannot wait to receive it.

I think the funny part about having this quilt is her instructions on keeping it. She does not want us to merely put it into a closet or display it. She does want us to use it but with the rules of not lying on it or letting the cat walk all over it. Yes, we can make sure we don't lie on it but I'm not sure how I'm going to accomplish keeping the cat away. They do have a mind of their own, you know.

And The Beat Goes On

2005-03-11T15:42:00.000-05:00

We finally broke the 100 days mark until the wedding. Of course that was a few days ago. Both of us are in awe that the time has passed by so quickly. Big changes are on the horizon for both of us. I think the fiance is taking it much more better than I am. It's not to say I don't look forward it because I really do. It's just a lot to deal with at the moment.

Not much going on with the wedding but we'll soon pick the pace up since we have a bit of business to take care of. Egads, six weeks until the big move across country! If someone told me that I'd be packing up my car and driving across country to a new home, I'd laugh and say, "Yeah, right." Frankly I pictured flying across country to a new city and not having a car to deal with. I wanted to be a city girl that took the train to work and walked everywhere. But that's okay it isn't happening that way. I wouldn't want it any other way.

The weekend is here and I am determined to get some packing done. At least a box or two to send out.... sigh.

Home Is Where The Heart Is

2005-03-10T18:04:00.000-05:00

Maybe surrounded by
A million people I
Still feel all alone
I just wanna go home
Oh I miss you, you know

"Home" by Michael Buble

Home is where he is now. I haven't felt the same since I left the fiance a few days ago. It's really nice to have someone coming home to you or someone to come home to. Only a few more weeks to go and I suspect it will be some long weeks.

Back in Town

2005-03-08T02:40:00.000-05:00

I'm back from visiting the fiance. A quick trip but well worth the time we got to spend together. His family treked up for about a day to visit with us. I also met his younger and only brother finally. They have a good sibling relationship which I like since my brother and I are not that close.

We (the fiance and I) had a wonderful time together nesting as he puts it. Yes, we're gathering the feathers, the string, and the what not to make a comfortable home together. Well not quite that far since I have yet to send any of my stuff. The next few weeks will be hectic as I try to get this done. We seem to work well together but the time spent together is time spent making up for the weeks we haven't seen each other. Once we get into the normal day-to-day routine, things will, I expect, be normal.

Domesticity

2005-03-03T15:10:00.000-05:00

I'm away visiting the fiance for a few days. It's nice to spend time together when we are apart so much. Unfortunately today he had to work so I am puttering around his apartment. Our apartment. Yes, soon to be mine in a couple of months once I move out here. I'm not sure how I feel about moving in with him. What I mean is that I can't wait to move in with him but I'm not sure if I am going to experience what my co-worker experienced when her husband moved in with her after they married. She said he doesn't feel comfortable because the townhouse she rents is "her" place. She doesn't feel that way but he does or so she says. He has recreated his apartment in one of the spare bedrooms. Very strange. I don't expect the fiance is too tied to keeping this place his. He has said to me several times that this is my home now. Maybe he'll feel differently when my stuff is here. For now, I am enjoying keeping the house. I wonder how long it will take for that to wear off?

Being One Doesn't Mean You're Alone

2005-03-01T17:54:00.000-05:00

My mom's feelings about my relationship have nothing to do with my fiance. Rather, she is afraid of being alone. But aren't we all? It's not that you want your children to be with you the rest of your life because you want them to have life too. Being alone is scary. At several points in my life, I had to deal with the possibility of being alone for the rest of my life. Sometimes I was okay with it and other times I wasn't. Finally I had to resolve at some point that I would be okay being alone and if I never got married, well, it just wasn't the path my life was going down. I had to accept that and I did. Boy did that path suddenly twist!

I think my mom has done an admirable job dealing with such a sudden change. After all it's not like the fiance and I have a traditional relationship. But what constitutes traditional anymore these days? I think she tried and has accepted it in the best way she can. It'll get better and it already is headed that way. She knows that despite the miles in between us, we will always be there for her any way we can.

It's Life

2005-02-28T17:25:00.000-05:00

Why is it that I still worry about what my mom thinks? I don't think it's so much what she thinks but how it upsets her. My relationship has been difficult for my mom because she has to deal with me moving even farther away from her. I did not intend my life to take this turn nor did I force it this way. Things happen. You meet someone. You don't know at the time where it will go. But it goes. Far. There's a proposal. You accept. You make decisions. Life has a funny way of happening. You think at 35 years of age you are no longer a little girl. But to your parents, you are always their little girl. Though my father has passed away, I wonder how he would have reacted. He had very strong opinions about people and about my decisions. I am sad that he cannot share in this time with me as a father should with a daughter. But if this was something that he would not approve of, I am glad I don't have to deal with that. Though I gave up being their little girl a long time ago, I think my mom still sees me as that baby she first saw at the airport when I was three months old coming through the gate with the social worker. I know in her way she is trying hard to accept the next stage in my life.

Catching Up

2005-02-21T10:07:00.000-05:00

Dr. Phil's Rules On Hold

I failed miserably writing about Dr. Phil's rules before V-Day. I have a half-finished entry that needs a little more tweaking when I get to it. Instead, I promise to finish it before the big W-Day (Wedding Day!). After all, it is just as appropriate to talk about it then as it is now.

Advice From The Experts

I have husband and wife friends who I am particulary fond of and rather close. They have been married over 25 years and listening to them give me marriage advice can be a hoot. Actually they often tell me stories from their relationship that goes along with some sort of advice and some of that info. borders on being TMI. I am amazed that, on some level, our relationships are parallel. Even the wife thinks so and sometimes when I ask her advice on things happening in my own relationship, she recalls things that happened in her in the past. For example, for some time her and her husband had a long distance relationship before they got married. She recalled how difficult it was it leave each time. The funny part was that at that time there was no such thing as email and if you had a cell phone, you'd have to be rich. Even telephone calls here a luxury for them She said they spent a lot of time writing letters to each other. Even though I have the luxury of email and telephone (and cell) calls, the things I treasure the most are the cute cards I get in the mail. The little notes dashed off in them are the things that I keep in my heart. I'm sure my friends still have those letters after all these years. Now that's romantic.

Short Vacation, Long Weekend

In about 9 days, I'll be off to see the fiance. Our long distance relationship is about to come to an end in another 2 months. The time has gone by so much quicker than I expected and it's amazing to me that we're at this junction of our relationship. I'm sure many of you who live together might not recall those first days, weeks and month you lived together, but I am a bit scared. I've had roommates but I've never lived with a boyfriend and much less a fiance and he hasn't either. I expect there will be an adjustment period for both of us. Just how well we get through that will be the true testament of our relationship; maybe more so than the whole long distance relationship.

That's all for now, folks!

Valentine's Day Indulgence

2005-02-15T01:56:00.000-05:00

I have to brag about the two lovely surprises I received today from my sweetheart: a dozen red roses and a sterling silver heart locket. The very best Valentine's Day gifts I have ever received! Yes, I know I am spoiled. Every woman needs to feel spoiled once in awhile and I don't feel bad about it one bit!

T-r-a-s-h-y Wife

2005-02-10T19:41:00.000-05:00

Okay, I've been teased by the future hubby that I will be the "t-r-a-s-h-y wife." My trashiness stems from my occasional viewing of television which can be construed as not appropriate for the educated mind. Hmmmmm... yeah, right. So my latest find as I surfed the channels last night was this show called "Project Runway." As you can guess by the title, the show has something to do with fashion, namely bringing together "would-be" fashion designers to compete against each other. My viewing of last night's episode fortunately meant that I had discovered the show toward the end of its run. Thank goodness for the future hubby who will get to hear the synopsis and who listens quite politely. I'm not sure what's more disconcerting than a male designer who looks similar to Carson Kressley (of Queer Eye for the Straight Guy) but wears lip gloss. Uh, yeah.

The show held my interest for a bit because of the last four contestants left, three ("the artist," "the professional," and "the wild card") of them despised the fourth one ("the longshot"). The "long shot" won last night's competition which was to design an outfit for Nancy Odell to wear during the Grammy's; the "artist" got eliminated. Ms. Longshot delighted in the fact that she knew both Ms. Professional and the Mr. Wild Card were upset that she had made it as one of the final three. Seems almost a bit high schoolish if you ask me considering this woman is 40 years old.

Just another entry to add to my resume of being a future t-r-a-s-h-y wife.

A Difficult Time Ahead

2005-02-06T18:23:00.000-05:00

I feel as though being happy means that I'm being selfish. A few days ago I had a heated discussion with my mom about my impending marriage. Again. The conversation was sparked because she was thinking about taking a trip here at the end of April and I reminded her that I planned on moving at the end of April. It was at that point everything went wrong. She asked me where I was going. I reminded her again that I was moving to be with my fiance, her future son-in-law, because it would be impossible to coordinate a move and a wedding at the same time in June.

That began the "talk" about how we met and that meeting people on the Internet is dangerous... blah, blah, blah. Okay, I've heard it all, read it all and realized that it's not all true. But she didn't stop there. She expressed that she wishes we would wait to get married and get to know each other better. Uh... it's a little too late for that in that we've already reserved a venue and announced to the world our wedding date. I could go on but the only thing I can say is that it went from bad to worse. I tried to empathize with her but she would not listen to me. I'm not sure where all this came from except that she is forcing me to pick and choose when there should be no picking and choosing at this point in my life.

I know it's difficult for my mom to understand our relationship. I wish she would at least try and think about what she says before it comes out of her mouth. In some ways I feel a bit disappointed about her behaviour, and very surprised that she says the things she says. I know she is scared to lose me and is scared about being alone. It's just a very difficult situation and one that I don't know how to fix. I know things will only get harder before they become easier.

Collide

2005-02-04T19:28:00.000-05:00

Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the wrong words seem to rhyme
Out of the doubt that fills my mind
I somehow find
You and I collide

I have no doubts about my love for you.

The Ground Rules (part ii)

2005-02-03T18:55:00.000-05:00

3) Ask For What You Want: The bottomline is that the other person is not a mindreader. I've realized this over and over again. Though I'm always hesitant to "ask" for anything, I know that I need to. The good Doc says that in order to make you happy your partner needs to "understand what makes you tick." If you don't ask, you don't get. I've realized that asking doesn't equal to being selfish but rather asking the other person to help you fulfill the parts of your life missing. So ask away...

4) Learn Your Partner's Needs, and Strive to Fulfill Them: We all have needs and when our needs are not met, then we become dissatisfied. Speaking from a man's perspective, Dr. Phil says that men are especially afraid to rely on other people because it makes them emotionally tied and anytime something has to do with emotions, they (men) take it as a sign of weakness. Men, your women love you and would never take your emotional side as a sign of weakness. Let us in!

5) Invest in the Friendship: This is the absolute truth! When I first met my fiance, I wanted us to be friends and he obliged. That friendship turned to a deep caring love and the foundation for our relationship. We are best friends and we always remember this no matter what. Sometimes I see couples treating each other badly and I wonder if they treat their friends the same way. They take it for granted that the other person will understand. We all have to take a step back and remember that we should treat our partner the same way we treat other people. Friendship rocks!

The Ground Rules

2005-01-31T13:33:00.000-05:00

So I'm not really a fan of Dr. Phil but in the February issue of O, The Oprah Magazine he wrote an excellent article called "Dr. Phil's Top Ten Ground Rules for Long-Term Loving." Admittedly, I have become a sucker for these articles since I will be getting married soon. Over the next couple weeks (before Valentine's Day), I will be discussing one or two of these a day or when I can get to them.

1) Know Yourself: Think about it. How can you love someone when you don't even know yourself? Dr. Phil says that in order to have your needs fulfilled (by your partner) you have to know what they are. So basically you need to know yourself and what those needs are. Makes sense to me.

2) Let Your Partner In: Basically this is all about trust and entrusting your deepest secrets with your partner. I agree with the good doc that this is the scariest and hardest thing to do. I'm not sure how people do it but I use this blog as a good start with my fiance. He (Dr. Phil) even suggests putting things down on paper but also cautions not to use this information against the other person. Good advice.

More tomorrow or so.

Dreamland

2005-01-28T17:22:00.000-05:00

Last night I had a disturbing dream that involved an airport, breaking up or maybe not breaking up, feeling hurt and confusion. It might seem like a rather simple dream but it wasn't. I woke up feeling uneasy. Lately I haven't been myself for many reasons but mostly because of the enormous amount of stress I am bearing. For some reason I feel weighed down by it all and then I don't. I know I am not making sense but then again the dream didn't make sense.

I just wanted to hear his voice this morning of all mornings but it wasn't possible due to an important meeting at his work. It's okay; I'm not that needy. I think the dream may have stemmed by some conversations we had last night about travel and work, and the prospect of being newlyweds. Seems rather insane since we will be together more than we are now despite the probable week apart once a month. Not sure what brought that on.

I'm glad it's the weekend. It can't seem to come fast enough nowadays.

Knight At My Table

2005-01-28T00:39:00.000-05:00

Though I've been quiet lately it doesn't mean I don't have a lot on my mind. And believe me, I have A LOT on my mind. Life is about to change fast. Some days I wish the world would just slow down a bit because I need more time. On the other hand, I look forward to being with my sweetie and can't wait for the time to pass by. I realize more and more that I cannot imagine spending my life without him. Despite the fact that on some days I can be the back end of a donkey, he remains my knight. Yes, that's it; he is my shining knight. He is my protector. He lifts me up when I can't do it myself and he walks beside me when I can; together we are a team and make up a whole.

More thoughts to come soon.

Baby Talk

2005-01-26T01:15:00.000-05:00

Being pregnant right now is not the right time and I'm not. But the thought has crossed over my mind the last couple of weeks. On some level, my stress meters go wacko and I imagine walking down the aisle with my future daughter or son in tow or rather inside. On another level, I would be visibly relieved that at the age of 35, I can conceive without too much effort. In any case, we aren't "trying" to get pregnant so not being pregnant is a relief.

Pressure

2005-01-20T17:03:00.000-05:00

I feel like the pressure is on. I only have about three months before I leave my job and my life in Las Vegas. I wish it was as easy as just getting up and going. But I have responsibilities and it's not that easy. All this pressure is making me worry and when I worry, I tend not to sleep well. Hopefully I'll be able to catch up on a little bit this weekend.

Time Marches On

2005-01-16T20:53:00.000-05:00

The last five days passed rather quickly. We were busy settling some wedding plans and meeting family and friends. In all, everything went well and we continue on to the big day, five months from tomorrow.

I think both of us are getting tired of doing the "vacation" meeting. The first couple of times were really nice and wonderful but now we want to have our normal life together. We are both homebodies and it's hard to have that life when either one of our lives are really on the other side of the country. I know when we eventually live with each other day in and day out, things will be more like we both want it to be. It's difficult right now to be the kind of supportive partner in a relationship that you want to be when your time together is not the normal couple time. What I mean is that when you are in that vacation mode and life is not normal, you tend to put the other things aside to worry about later and you don't want to tell the other person because you are afraid of spoiling the time. We look forward to our normal life together and that the time passes quickly.

On Vacation

2005-01-11T02:01:00.000-05:00

I'm taking a few days off to spend some quality time with the fiance. We'll visit some family (hopefully--rain, please stop), work on some wedding plans and have him meet some friends. I'm looking forward to our "holiday" together. We haven't had Christmas or New Years yet so laissez les bons temps rouler!

Marriage and the Single Woman

2005-01-06T18:03:00.000-05:00

In the last few months, I have become somewhat obsessed with books, videos and websites about marriage. I've come to the conclusion that if I was still single, I would not read, watch, or surf this subject. As a 30-something year old woman, it is still a stigma in this country to be single. I know many women, feminists included, might scoff at my last statement but it's true. No matter what we tell ourselves about why we waited or why we still aren't married, the unmarried 30-something year old woman is not looked upon favorably.

In any case, as I was purchasing some materials for my workplace, I stumbled upon a documentary called Always a Bridesmaid. It is a film by Nina Davenport, a young, talented filmmaker making her living as a wedding photographer/videographer at the time. On the threshold of her 30th birthday, she laments (to some extent) about her status with her boyfriend (who incidentally is five years younger than she is)and marriage in general. I absolutely love the almost raw unedited way she does the film including interviewing several "spinsters" as she calls these elderly women who have never married. Frankly, if I was still single with no prospect in sight, I would be thoroughly depressed watching this video. But looking at it from the side of a bride-to-be, it's an interesting statement on the status of marriage and the single woman.

I've never been a typical single woman who casually dated. I dated a little bit but always felt uncomfortable in that situation because I was more comfortable with going out as friends rather than just dating. That formula just worked better for me. I think the whole stigma of being single over 30 isn't as bad as it used to be (thanks to Sex and the City) but as I said previously, people just seem to wonder why you can't find a "nice young man." Though I never gave up hope on finding that one person to spend the rest of my life with, I just decided not think or obsess about it. And, lo and behold, when I stopped looking he found me.

Reality Bites, Literally

2005-01-04T17:02:00.000-05:00

Last night as I was channel surfing, I came upon a new reality-based television show which brought a woman who was adopted as an infant face-to-face with several men, one of which is her biological father. The tasteless twist to the show was that she had to guess which person it was and if she successfully did that, she would not only meet the man who gave her up but also gain $100,000. If she didn't, I'm guessing she would still find out who this person was but not get the money.

I was quite appalled by this show and emotionally affected. I was adopted as a baby and though I have occasionally thought about the people who gave me up for adoption, I would never go on a show like that. Of course I realize it was this woman's choice to be on the show but the lengths these television networks will go to for ratings and entertainment just makes me sick. I can only imagine what people from other countries think when they watch American television; we exploit people for our own entertainment. I know I am being harsh and, in reality, this woman chose to be on the show. But it still makes me sick that something so personal would be used for ratings. Kudos to the television station in Raleigh-Durham, NC for refusing to air that episode.

In reference to being adopted, I have often been asked by people that I have told I am adopted is if I ever wanted to find my birth parents. My answer to that is I've never felt an overwhelming need to find them. I know some general information about them but I don't have the desire or the need at this point in my life to find them; I have my parents. My life is complete as far as I am concerned. We all do things in life because of our circumstances and I don't fault my birth parents for giving me up. But I'm really thankful that I had two wonderful people who wanted me, loved me and gave me a good upbringing. That's all for now.

Chicken or Fish?

2005-01-03T17:28:00.000-05:00

We're at 165 days and counting toward the big day. After next week, we should have a lot of the other major wedding things taken care of. For example, we are looking at the site where we will have both the wedding and reception, and doing a tasting. We were going to have 3 choices that guests can choose from for a meal but decided to nix one of them since it'll just make things too complicated. So it'll be chicken or fish. Oh, but we are showering guests with some delectable sushi and appetizers so that they don't starve before hand. We'll also have our contract with our photographer, a cake, and perhaps some flowers selected. Not sure if I'm missing anything else. I still don't know what to do about hair and make-up but I'll figure something out.

Still Learning

2005-01-02T16:49:00.000-05:00

We all want to feel needed. There's been a few times in the last few days that I felt rejected. I'm sure I was feeling overly sensitive as I tend to feel sometimes. I'm not sure if that time of the month was affecting me but I'm sure it had a lot to do with how I was feeling. Seems lately my emotions have been on a rollercoaster for no particular reason. I'm glad whatever was bugging me has passed.

Admittedly I have a very difficult time talking about certain things. I worry that these things may be trivial and really a waste of time. I know I shouldn't feel that way but I've always been the kind of person who will talk about the things that are really worth talking about. Sometimes you can get away with not talking; I know this is not right. None of this has to do with trust but rather a learned response. Whenever my parents were upset about something, namely with each other, they didn't seem to talk about it. There was a uncomfortable silence throughout the house. It was more cultural than anything else not to talk about feelings or to confront the other person. Eventually it would all pass but I hated it.

What I learned in my limited experience with relationships is that I always wanted to be very expressive with my feelings, good or bad. And I've been very good about it. But there are times when I just refuse to talk about how I am feeling and I don't like the uncomfortable feeling that comes with it. At least I know this and I can work on it. The good thing is that I want to work at it and I'm okay with myself. The better thing is that I have an understanding fiance who seems to be okay with it too, at least for now.

A New Year

2005-01-01T12:39:00.000-05:00

I can't believe another year has passed. Where did the months and days go? Oh, yes, I spent those days and months falling in love. And this year I am getting married!

In addition, I will be moving to a new home and starting a new stage in my life. That in itself is so exciting and scary at the same time. I've lived here for a rather long time and actually a lot longer that I intended to. It's comfortable. But I'm ready to move. It's good to move out of your comfort zone once in awhile. Change is good and there are a lot of good changes in the horizon.

Welcome 2005!

The Best Part of 2004

2004-12-30T18:09:00.000-05:00

I've had a good year. I met the most wonderful man who brings the kind of light into my life that I didn't think anyone could bring. Funny how things happen like that when you least expect it. Actually he says I went "fwop" which essentially is me falling hard for him. And I did, I fell hard. It's wonderful being in love and looking forward to having a future together.

I'm sure there are many single folks out there who try to hold on to the last vestiges of their single life. Not me. I'm so ready to give it up. I figured it would happen to me if it were meant to happen. And if it didn't, well then I guess it wasn't in the cards for me. But I'm glad it did and with the person who is truly my soulmate.

Over the last few months we've experienced many highs and a few lows. The distance is probably the one thing that was a low. But on the other hand, it also allowed us to develop our relationship into a strong and loving one. The foundation we built with each other would not have been so without the distance. I guess you could say that it wasn't all that bad. We've had our misunderstandings but that comes with any relationship; I think it's all about how you handle the situation.

Thanks for being my one and only, and my rock. You are the best part of 2004 and, frankly, the best part of my life.

172 Days and Not a Minute More

2004-12-27T16:40:00.000-05:00

So here we are at 172 days before the wedding. Seems like a lot of days but frankly I thought that when it was still over 200 days. Now that we've ventured into the 100s, seems like the days go by a little quicker. Nothing significant to report going on except we have likely decided our table decorations. I think I'd like to call them "whimsical" and fun. We figure we will have, at the most, four large tables of guests which will give us just enough tables for our theme of a Hawaii table, a Georgia table, a North Carolina table and a Nevada table. These four states represent the fiance and I, and our relationship. The actual center decorations will consist of a collage of postcards from each state and some accoutrements from those places as well. Like I said, it will be fun and whimsical.

The Best Present of All

2004-12-25T19:34:00.000-05:00

I had a nice Christmas though it could have been better if it was spent with family and the one I love. But I had a lovely day and the kind I like with no stress and no expectations. Slept in late, opened the rest of my presents (okay, I cheated and opened a few right after the clock struck 12 midnight), called my mom et al, and then called my sweetie and my other family. It's nice to have more family now; that perhaps is the best Christmas present of all. At one point in my life, I wondered if I would have anyone to grow old with. I don't have a big nuclear family and my extended family has grown smaller over the years. On occasion, I thought about what my later years in life would be like. I have more family now and hope to have more in the future. It's nice to have a future to share with someone and we look forward to spending it together.

This is not to say I didn't get a lot nice and thoughtful presents today. By far some of my favorite presents I received were tiny white gold hoop earrings, the DVD "Where The Heart Is," and some fuzzy bedroom slippers with the Georgia logo on them. It's nice that Christmas is on Saturday because I got yesterday off (Christmas eve) and tomorrow is another day off before heading back to work on Monday. Just a few more days before 2005 arrives and a couple more weeks before my sweetie is here. I can't wait!

A Monumental Year

2004-12-24T01:25:00.000-05:00

I truly can't believe Christmas is in a couple of days and 2005 is little over a week away. This was a monumental year for me; my life changed in so many ways. At this same time last year, I couldn't even predict where I would be today. One thing is for sure, I would have never imagined that I would be engaged and planning a wedding. Heck, I probably wouldn't have thought I would fall in love the way I wanted to. It's been a wonderful year. Next year I start a new phase in my life, one that I am very much looking forward to.

177 Days and Counting

2004-12-22T10:57:00.000-05:00

I had quietly told myself that every Monday I would do an update on the wedding and what did I do? Yep, I totally forgot. Now it's become the random weekly update on the wedding.

Where are we at since last week? I've made an appointment with our minister for the first of our two counseling sessions. The second is to take place right before the wedding. I'm very curious about what this counseling session entails. I've also contacted a bakery that can bake a simple wedding cake and deliver it. Still waiting to hear from our photographer when she would like to meet us. Haven't decided exactly what kind of flowers we want for the wedding. I think the flower selections will need some thought.

In all, things seem to be moving along to the big day. We can hardly contain our excitement!

Winds of Change

2004-12-20T12:16:00.000-05:00

As of late, I've had a lot of things of my mind. None of it has to do with my personal relationship or my impending marriage. Mostly it's about a particular friend who I suspect would rather not be my friend anymore. Our friendship hasn't been the smoothest and, for the most part, we don't really see eye-to-eye. But I noticed things lately that makes me believe that it's better for us not be friends outside of work.

She is the kind of person who can be your most loyal friend if she can get over your faults. She is very critical about the way people live their lives if it isn't by her standard. She tends to pick and choose who her active friendships are. I think what amazes me is that she also will remain "friends" with people she will dislike and talk bad about behind their back.

Our friendship over the years has gone through ups and downs. But lately I feel that she would rather not be my friend. And it's for the best because no matter what choices I make in my life, they will never be good enough for her. If I don't listen to her or follow what she has to say, I am wrong. For example, when I was leaning on her for advice about what to do about the problems I was having with my mom not accepting my relationship and, at the time, possible marriage, this friend would tell me that I needed to tell my mom, include her, discuss this with her, go home to see her, etc. The irony of this whole story is that when she got married, she never even told her mom and they didn't speak for several years. Of course, I can see that she was trying to tell me her experiences but, really, how can you compare the two when I wasn't even thinking about doing what she did? Or when I told her that I would be leaving my present job about a month or so before my wedding to move and all she had to say was that I shouldn't do that or that I should go home and spend that time with my mom. Of course I would love to do that if I was having the wedding where my mom lives, but that is just not possible.

So in the end, everything I do is wrong because it's not by her standards. I know she is upset and mad that I have told everyone at our workplace that I am getting married. I think she liked being one of the few that knew this. Frankly it's really not her business who I tell.

I guess my dilemma is what to do about making it easy for her by telling her it's okay if she doesn't want to be friends. We get along pretty good at work but that we should only have a work friendship and not outside. It's better for both of us because in the end, the friends who matter the most are the ones who won't criticize you and be there for you despite the choices you make in life, good or bad.

Feeling Less Than Zero

2004-12-16T13:31:00.000-05:00

Several years ago I took an introductory political science class in college where the professor proceeded to tell the class that American students simply do not appreciate other cultures. He, himself, was not a natural born American citizen. His reasoning was that foreign students will travel to the U.S. and learn other languages (English) therefore becoming bilingual or even trilingual or more. Furthermore he said that we (the American students) have every opportunity to learn other languages but simply do not want to. Therefore he concluded that we do not appreciate other cultures.

I was a bit steamed. I grew up in Hawaii and have always had an appreciation of other cultures even though I could not speak their languages. In fact, one of our close family friends growing up (people who I called aunty and uncle) were Filipino. We were not related to them by blood but simply by association. I have always appreciated growing up in a multicultural society where customs from the Portuguese, Chinese, Filipino, Japanese, Hawaiian and even different Caucasian groups (e.g. Swedish, English, etc.) were incorporated into everyday life. I know some people may not find this true but I am only relating my experience. My very best friend in elementary school before she moved to another school is Swedish. To this day, my mom will occasionally see this girl's mom and they "catch up" on what I'm doing or what this girl is doing.

So when I heard this professor make that statement, my hand shot up and I said to him that appreciating someone else's culture doesn't mean you have to learn their language. I think he realized the blanket statement he was making and actually agreed with me. Whether I changed his mind or not, I don't know.

There usually isn't much that gets me "steamed" or upset enough to say something. But in this case, I needed to say something to defend not only myself but the other students who simply sat there and didn't say a word. And maybe for the future students who will be sitting in his class in the future. I know we all try to be correct and just in our thinking, and no one is perfect, even myself. I guess I fear less for myself and more for my future children. I would hope they don't have to contend with stares, misstatements, or even blatant prejudice. I've experienced little of that compared to many others, but the bottomline is that when you let other people do these things to you, they exert their power and privilege over you. No one should ever feel that they are less than anyone else.

Divergent Lives

2004-12-14T14:39:00.000-05:00

A few days ago I decided to get in touch with a friend who I purposely lost touch with over the last year. We had been good friends before she moved away from here for a new job. During the first few months she moved away, I was the one she called and lamented to when she was having a hard time adjusting to her new life. But I knew she would find her place as I had been through it myself numerous times. What I didn't expect was that she would eventually place our friendship on the back burner. It was okay because I understood how difficult it was to find one's place in a new environment. We slowly grew apart until I finally decided to give our friendship a hiatus.

Last week I decided to put out the olive branch and email her. She was quite excited to get my email and emailed me back immediately. I don't think she knew the real reason why I didn't get in touch with her before last week. She was so excited that she picked up the phone rather quickly to give me a call. We caught up on each other's lives over the past year. She also admitted that she hadn't been good about keeping in touch.

The ironic part of this whole story is that I found out she is also getting married next year. She got engaged about a month after I did and will be getting married about a month after I am. Our lives are somewhat parallel and somewhat divergent though I think more the latter.

I am truly happy for her and I am glad she can share in my day as I can share in hers. And I'm glad we can resume our friendship.

186 Days and Fashionably Old

2004-12-13T15:47:00.000-05:00

The countdown continues to married life. I am so ready to be married. Compared to the first time I was pseudo-engaged, I have no hesitations or doubts. This was the man I was waiting for all my life and I am happy that I get to spend the rest of my life with him. Only 186 days until we are husband and wife, and even less than that until we set up household. I wonder how life will change for both of us when we live together? In a way, I'm glad we didn't just live together anticipating that we would marry 1, 2 or even 3 years down the road. I had always thought I might live together with someone for a few years before we took the plunge. But I also worried that it would be too easy to live together and not finalize the commitment. We're a rather old-fashioned couple in a lot of ways but not all ways. We generally agree on a lot of issues and ideas, and how we want our lives to be. I'm sure along the way we will encounter disagreements to the degree that neither one of us will budge upon. I'm okay with that because I know that for both of us, it's about working at our relationship and our lives together. There is no backspace, delete, or revision; just making the mistakes, correcting them and continuing our story.

So Traditional

2004-12-12T19:40:00.000-05:00

Today I was walking around Borders as I normally do on Sundays looking for Christmas gifts. I enjoy and appreciate classical music though I am not very well educated on the subject. We had already decided that for the wedding processional I would walk down the aisle to Canon D by Pachelbel. Yes, so traditional. As I listened to a sample of a CD that had nothing but different versions of Canon D, I knew this was exactly what I wanted to hear on my wedding day. The music itself is timeless, classic, beautiful and everlasting. I can't imagine what Pachelbel thought about or what inspired him to compose such beautiful music. Of the different versions on the CD (and there are 15 of them), I had thought about sticking to the classical chamber orchestra version but then I noticed there was one using Japanese instruments, the shakuhachi and the koto, which would almost seem most appropriate considering our wedding. However, I really enjoy Isao Tomita & the Plasma Symphony Orchestra who use a light and lyrical tone which I feel myself floating to. Nonetheless, whatever version it may be, it'll still be very traditional and very Pachelbel.

An Apple A Day

2004-12-11T18:56:00.000-05:00

In the last few days I've made two calls to Apple Tech Support for problems that have perplexed me. Actually if I had put a little more effort into the first problem, I would not have had to deal with the second one. Furthermore, if the first problem was fixed with that effort, I would not have the second problem. But this was a good lesson in "optimizing" my computer every once in awhile, kind of like taking your car in for an oil change every three months. I have to say that for the money I spent in extending my original Apple warranty, it was worth it. I consider myself an intermediate user so I didn't have too much trouble conversing with the support staff. Actually, I think they do a good job with even the novice or beginning user. In the end, I decided that I still love and remain a loyal Apple user. As the tech guy said to me today when I asked another question and mentioned that I have another brand of computer at work that shall remain anonymous, "I'm sorry for you." Yeah, nothing beats my Mac.

All Talk

2004-12-10T19:29:00.000-05:00

Sometimes I wonder if I'll miss the moments when all we could do is talk. Don't get me wrong because I do love spending the time together in person since there is no need to be more specific or direct about how we are feeling; we can see each other's facial expressions and body language.

In truth, it takes more work to communicate when you are not in the same room as the other person because you don't have the luxury of seeing how they feel. Our talks have evolved so much since we first started conversing with each other. There is a nice familiarity to the way we have conversations and the feelings that come across in them.

This time has been good for us. I think we talk more than most couples who have the luxury of being with each other day-in and day-out. Actually I can't imagine a day going by that we don't talk for a bit. When we spent considerable time together on my last trip, I really enjoyed discussing his day at work (I was on vacation and did not have to do a thing).

The one thing I'd like to do when we set up household together is regularly have dinner together at the dinner table. It was something I probably took for granted when I was growing up but now I realize the importance of that time together. I think it's important that as a family (he and I now, and later with our children) we spend time together talking about our day as well as other issues. I'm sure it'll take some time getting used to since we are both singletons and neither of us have dinner at our dinner tables unless necessary.

Holiday Happenings

2004-12-06T17:18:00.000-05:00

Yes, the holidays have finally descended upon me. This weekend I got a little Christmas shopping done without too much stress. I hope it stays that way because I'd like to avoid as much stress as possible this season.

Last night I attended an open house to benefit the Girl Scouts. I am just amazed at the amount of time and trouble people spend decorating their homes. Of course all of it was just beautiful and put everyone into the Christmas spirit. It was the first time I had ever attended something like that and I enjoyed myself very much. The whole evening was enhanced by spending time with some very good friends at the event.

I am torn at the moment if I should take out my Christmas decorations. I have a small collection that I put together over the last few years and I used to take them out when I hosted my family for Thanksgiving dinner. Since we've decided to spend that day at their timeshare, I never really take out my decorations. Of course, this year I am also celebrating part of Christmas later than usual since my sweetie will be visiting after the new year and we have opted to celebrate it then. So I suppose I can bring out the Christmas decorations; I seemed to have answered my own question.

He's Just Not That Into You (Or Is He?)

2004-12-01T12:05:00.000-05:00

Last night I was talking to a friend who is becoming rather discouraged about her supposedly "budding" relationship. She is not sure if that relationship is growing anymore. After our conversation, I thought about a book everyone seems to be talking about lately called "He's Just Not That Into You : The No-Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys." I, myself, haven't read this book but in reading the synopsis on Amazon, the author simply states "if a (sane) guy really likes you, there ain’t nothing that’s going to get in his way." The problem is that he calls her several times a week and they talk, sometimes, for hours. But he has yet to make the commitment to come out here and meet her. Yes, they met through a dating website, and the same one my future hubby and I met on. And this happens to be a rather serious one and not a website those looking for "casual" relationships use. So what is the answer for her? I told her to be optimistic because this guy is obviously not spending his nights dating every woman on the planet but home talking to her. Perhaps he needs a little push in the "right" direction. For his sake, I hope she does it before her last glimmer of hope fades. If not, he'll never realize what could have been.

Colds and Cards

2004-11-29T00:35:00.000-05:00

I think my cold is finally making its way to somewhere or someone else. Who? I don't know but I'm glad it's leaving my body. This cold has made me a bit cranky and grouchy. The person to take the brunt of this nastiness in my demeanor is my ever-loving sweetie. But, as usual, he takes it with ease and not much bother. How could I be this lucky? He's just a wonderful man with a big heart.

As far as wedding news goes, we finally got our Save the Date cards and I want to send them out this week. They came out really great and I am very pleased with them. Future-hubby is too as far as he knows looking at the sample online. I will have to send him one ASAP so that he can feel a part of the process. Only 200 more days to go!

Dependence, part II

2004-11-28T12:32:00.000-05:00

Okay, being dependent upon someone else isn't such a bad thing. It's just hard when that person is 2,000 miles away. But somehow they know just how to make things good again. I get awfully scared that the novelty of this all will wear off because there are bigger and better things out there. I told myself getting into this that it was okay to get hurt again because that's part of life. I lied. I don't want to get hurt and I know I won't. It just difficult to bridge the miles between us on some days.

Dependence

2004-11-28T01:43:00.000-05:00

A rather long time ago I learned a difficult lesson about relationships. I'm not talking necessarily about romantic relationships but personal relationships in general. No matter what kind of relationship you have, being dependent upon someone else is a difficult thing. With that said, for a long time I did not and would not let myself become dependent upon someone else unless they were already related to me (i.e. mom, brother, aunt, uncle, etc.). But at some point if you engage in a relationship with someone, you have to give up a little bit of your independence because that's the nature of the game. The amount you give up is relative to your emotional investment in that person. I think we tend to give up the most to people we love the most. I am no different. I have good friends who I can depend on if and when I need them.

But friends are much more different than someone you are romantically tied to, especially someone who you plan to spend the rest of your life with. I'm not saying that you should give up your independence and depend solely on this person for everything; that is not the point I am trying to make. The point is that on some level you hope that person thinks and cares about you because you depend on them for your emotional and physical well-being. It should be something that is automatic because your life no longer just revolves around you but around someone else as well. But everyone is different and another difficult lesson I learned is that not everyone is like me or operates like how I would. I'm not really sure if that's acceptable.

I was sick all day today and I did not receive even one phone call to find out how I was doing or how I was feeling. Maybe the problem is that I am too dependent on someone else and need to just be dependent upon myself because in the end that's the only person I can depend on. That's quite a sad statement.

Family Time

2004-11-27T00:41:00.000-05:00

It has become a tradition with my family to travel to Las Vegas for a week during Thanksgiving. They get to do their favorite activity while I get to see them. It's funny how you can take this kind of family time for granted. It never really crossed my mind that there may be a time where we wouldn't spend this holiday together. The funny part is that my family fully expects that I probably won't spend Thanksgiving with them next year and, really, I probably won't given my circumstances. With my impending marriage next year, there are many things that will be changing in my life. How do you decide which holidays you spend with which family? And what do you do if your husband has a job which makes it impossible for him to take any real vacation time during the holidays? Marriage brings with it many new challenges including figuring out our family time. Of course there wouldn't be much of a discussion if both of our families lived relatively close together. Really the bottom line is that I get to spend the holidays with my new family, my husband, and perhaps our own little family in the future.

Being Thankful

2004-11-25T10:29:00.000-05:00

Certainly I am not only thankful during this one time of the year but at least it gives me a chance to reflect back and think about those who have touched my life over the years and who have begun to touch my life in the last year.

I am thankful for my mom and brother who continue to lend their support to me whenever I ask for it. I am thankful for my aunty and uncle who have over the last few years become a second set of parents. I am thankful for the friends I have who consistently stayed in my life over the years and are quick to be around when I need them or don't need them. I am thankful for a grouchy kitty who stole my heart when I brought her home after someone found her wandering around several years ago. I could end my list here but this year I have much more to be thankful for.

I am thankful for the man who stole my heart over the last year and who has promised to love me the rest of my life. I am thankful for the new family who opened their home and hearts to me despite the unusual circumstances of our relationship. I am thankful for the new friends that I met briefly who I'm sure will become good friends in the coming years.

Happy Thanksgiving 2004!